How do you present yourself?

I just wonder how you present yourself when you are picking up your child from school, or when they arrive home from the bus, or when you hit the door after a long day fo work?

I read an article once about that. It really hit home. I make a special point of smiling. It's important to greet them with a smile. You know why? Because you will get one back. It also sets the tone for the afternoon or evening, don't you think?

Imagine how you would feel if you were greeted by a grunt or someone started in nagging you as soon as you hit the door or got in the car. It's much better and makes your child feel good if you greet them with a smile. After all, they haven't seen you all day!

Yesterday, my car pool was dropping off my son, and I saw them pull up. I made a point of opening the front door and putting on a big smile and a frantic wave of hello. In spite of his teen self, he had to smile and give me a big cheese. I even said, "Let me give you a big hug. I haven't seen you all day."

Guess what? He said ok. Now, that is something if you ask me.

Give it a try. You will be amazed. They feel better, and you feel better. I love how Matt's smile makes me feel. It warms me up all over. My child is smiling at me!

Starvin' Marvin'

Write what you know. I know Starvin' Marvin'. He lives with me. Some people complain that Concerta (time released Ritalin), inhibits appetite. They obviously have not met my teenage son. I did not this phenomenon early on before he hit his growth spurts. We knew that Matt would nibble breakfast and lunch and go wild at dinner. His meds had worn off by then.

Enter the growing teenage boy. I do not see an appetite supressant. Matt is hungry 24/7. I can't keep food in the house. He is constantly eating. He does burn it all off, but he just has a great metabolism because trust me, he's eating junk!

This kid was a picky eater, but since he has hit those growing teen years, he has tried more food than he ever has his whole life. He eats more of his dinner than he ever has. He is a chow hound.

I think it all evens out in the end. We always worry as mothers that our children aren't eating enough or getting the right nutrients. They do go through eating stages as the are growing. Matt has always eaten when he is in a growth spurt.

I wouldn't worry about whether your child eats or doesn't eat because they will eat when they are hungry. So long as the doctor doesn't feel they are underweight due to their meds, let them eat when nature tells them to. YOu don't want them to get food hang-ups like our parents gave us. People have enough weight problems. Let them learn to eat when they are really hungry and stop when they are full.

Stop the insanity!

Some days just make me want to pull my hair out. I say this with a mother's love. If your child has ADHD, I know you understand. You love them to death. You love their energy, their view on the world, their differences, but honestly, some days, you feel like lighting yourself on fire.

Let's talk about this morning. I am NOT a morning person at all. That being said, my dear husband makes my coffee every morning to assist me in waking up and being semi-coherent and friendly. My children learned long ago that they need to fix their own breakfast. It just isn't happening folks!

Anyway, I digress. It's time to go and Matt has spent his morning finding his school supplies to go in his brand new backpack. Now, he wasn't interested in a new back pack before school started. He thought he might find his old one. I believe we got rid of it. Also, school had not started, therefore, any thought on school was disgusting. We bought his new backpack Sunday. He had all day to search for the stuff his teachers wanted. Did he do it? NO! What was more important? Video games, race on tv...anything but that stinkin' backpack.

This morning he asks me where the paper is. On the way out the door, none of his items are in his backpack. They are in a stack, which he is holding under his arm, on top of his backpack. I guess the time to put it all in is in the five minute ride to school? Of course, doing all this arranging this morning, made him forget his id. Which I happened to notice on the way out the door. "Matt, do you have your id?"

"No."

So now he needs to go back in when we are supposed to be leaving. I have to wait because I have the door key.

Aggravation number two. My ipod is not charged. The little skunk likes to listen to it. However, it wasn't plugged in to maintain the battery power. He let the battery run out. Sometimes he listens to it before he falls asleep. I'm on my way to the gym, and I'm facing running with no music. I'm sorry, but that is boring. I feel like if you use my stuff, at least leave it the way it was when you got it...i.e. charged.

In addition, he is ruining my headphones because he has wrapped the cord so tight around the ipod, it is pulling the wiring out. As well as, he doesn't put the ipod back in my running case. He just takes it out and sets the case wherever so I end up running around having to find it. I like to wear my ipod on my arm when I run. My mini had a clip and I wore it on my shorts, but the nano doesn't so I got a little neoprene running band to put on my arm.

If I have a bad workout, I'm mad. I can't help it, so finding the ipod out of power just doesn't bode well for the morning for me since I am not a morning person in the first place.

However, I regrouped, and decided not to bitch him out all the way to school since I don't want to send him in on the wrong foot with his ODD out and end up in trouble.

Ah, so much to manage in the morning. Why he can't do this crap the day before, even when I ask 100 times, I will NEVER figure out, but it makes total sense in his ADHD teen mind.

Let's talk about driving. Matt hasn't driven since our last driving incident, except for a brief stint to the Pig. I let him drive home from Kohl's yesterday on some back roads as I felt it would give him alot of different experience without all the traffic that goes along our main roads.

He was fine, until he took a corner too wide and too fast. I corrected him, and it went downhill from there. He is driving me nuts. This time in his anger, he decided to drive right down the middle of the road. Yes, people. Right down the middle. Lucky there was no oncoming traffic and it was a neighborhood road, but a divided road, nonetheless. I laid into him when we got home, which made him mad and yell at me. Lou came running, and I got mad and had to go for a walk. I was so mad at Matt, I could hardly breathe. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

He doesn't want to listen. I know it is his ODD when he gets corrected, but the rule is you listen to the parent or you don't drive.

He wants to be better than his sister. The rule is you drive and progress at your pace and not at the pace of the other sibling.

He wants Caitee to have the radio off, too. Caitee doesn't need the radio off. That rule is for the ADHD driver.

He wants me not to think of him in the context of ADHD. So I asked him if he only had one arm, would I think of him as a two arm driver? That he understood apparently.

Sometimes I need off this wild ride. Just for a moment. But then I give him a hug and kiss and tell him I love him dearly. He let me, too. I get his sweet smile, and I still want off the wild ride, but it makes it bearable, doesn't it!

Behind The Wheel

It's interesting to teach the ADHD child to drive. Completely different than teaching my other child. Nerves seem to aggravate the inattentiveness instead of heightening awareness. So much going on behind the wheel that stops signs or stop lights are overlooked or misread. Blinker, no blinker is just more activity on top of starting the car, whether it's really on, putting the car in gear, deciding to go backward and forward, where is left and right.

One this is for sure, I had to look online for some advice. Found out several good things I plan to implement over the next several months. No radio in the car. Period while the ADHD kid is driving. It's a distraction. Yes, they can sit in class and do something else or sit in the house and play a video game and completely hear and absorb all that is going on around them, but not while driving. One activity, which is really all encompassing. It is definitely no radio or CD. Remove the temptation to fiddle with it.

Next, of course, no cell phone, but the best advice I read: put the ADHD kid's cell phone in the trunk of the car. That way, they have the phone for safety, but they cannot try to answer it if it rings or make a call becuase it suddenly pops into their head.

Also, before being permited to drive, the ADHD kid must be able to drive with the parent(s) and not make any errors for a period of 21 days. If they are driving, and fail to say, do the turn signal, or have to be reminded to stop at the stop sign, the 21 days start over.

And last but not least, when licensed, no guests in the car. Guests are distracting, aren't they.

The thing is, each child has to be considered as an individual behind the wheel. The ADHD child has to progress at their own pace. A safe pace where the parent and child are confident that they are learning and using the rules of the road for their own safety and the safety of others on the road.

We had a blowout the other day. It was a minor one in the ADHD world. Matt started the car, and then couldn't remember if it was started and turned the starter again. Can't do that. Not unsafe, but bad for the car. Then he put the car in D, instead of R as we were backing out of a parking space. He was irritated and not listening to my directions. I was becoming more aggitated because he wasn't listening and he was driving down a major road where we live. It was concerning me ALOT. I finally asked him to pull into a neighborhood and just drive around where he was familiar until he got his nerves under control. I thought it would help. He refused to pull over; he refused to turn into the neighborhood. I was pissed.

One rule is firm when he is learning to drive, the licensed driving rules the roost. He took a corner too wide and almost hit a pick up truck. That was the last straw. I finally got him to pull over, but not before he got mad and slammed his foot on the gas. I took his driving priviledges for the rest of the day. PERIOD.

Major infractions...not listening, not pulling over and worst of all, getting angry and jamming his foot on the gas. Yes, he took it right off. I do think he realized he had done something really bad. Luckily we were on an empty street in the middle of the day with no people or traffic so it wasn't a safety emergency at that exact moment.

It's hard for me to share these stories, but I know others of you out there are having these same challenges.

Driving is a big deal. I will definitely have links to share with good advice for all to read.