Behind The Wheel

It's interesting to teach the ADHD child to drive. Completely different than teaching my other child. Nerves seem to aggravate the inattentiveness instead of heightening awareness. So much going on behind the wheel that stops signs or stop lights are overlooked or misread. Blinker, no blinker is just more activity on top of starting the car, whether it's really on, putting the car in gear, deciding to go backward and forward, where is left and right.

One this is for sure, I had to look online for some advice. Found out several good things I plan to implement over the next several months. No radio in the car. Period while the ADHD kid is driving. It's a distraction. Yes, they can sit in class and do something else or sit in the house and play a video game and completely hear and absorb all that is going on around them, but not while driving. One activity, which is really all encompassing. It is definitely no radio or CD. Remove the temptation to fiddle with it.

Next, of course, no cell phone, but the best advice I read: put the ADHD kid's cell phone in the trunk of the car. That way, they have the phone for safety, but they cannot try to answer it if it rings or make a call becuase it suddenly pops into their head.

Also, before being permited to drive, the ADHD kid must be able to drive with the parent(s) and not make any errors for a period of 21 days. If they are driving, and fail to say, do the turn signal, or have to be reminded to stop at the stop sign, the 21 days start over.

And last but not least, when licensed, no guests in the car. Guests are distracting, aren't they.

The thing is, each child has to be considered as an individual behind the wheel. The ADHD child has to progress at their own pace. A safe pace where the parent and child are confident that they are learning and using the rules of the road for their own safety and the safety of others on the road.

We had a blowout the other day. It was a minor one in the ADHD world. Matt started the car, and then couldn't remember if it was started and turned the starter again. Can't do that. Not unsafe, but bad for the car. Then he put the car in D, instead of R as we were backing out of a parking space. He was irritated and not listening to my directions. I was becoming more aggitated because he wasn't listening and he was driving down a major road where we live. It was concerning me ALOT. I finally asked him to pull into a neighborhood and just drive around where he was familiar until he got his nerves under control. I thought it would help. He refused to pull over; he refused to turn into the neighborhood. I was pissed.

One rule is firm when he is learning to drive, the licensed driving rules the roost. He took a corner too wide and almost hit a pick up truck. That was the last straw. I finally got him to pull over, but not before he got mad and slammed his foot on the gas. I took his driving priviledges for the rest of the day. PERIOD.

Major infractions...not listening, not pulling over and worst of all, getting angry and jamming his foot on the gas. Yes, he took it right off. I do think he realized he had done something really bad. Luckily we were on an empty street in the middle of the day with no people or traffic so it wasn't a safety emergency at that exact moment.

It's hard for me to share these stories, but I know others of you out there are having these same challenges.

Driving is a big deal. I will definitely have links to share with good advice for all to read.

The Napkin

Matt has been kind of a video junky lately, although he has been helping me in the yard alot, too. I've been rather proud of how hard he has worked to help me get things done outside!
However, today, he didn't do that. He videoed all day. Not good. Where does all that pent up energy go? And then take that pent up energy out to dinner, add in the stimulus of his best friend, Danny, and his sister's birthday, and you have utter mayhem.
I really am used to it, but I'm sure the people around us wondered why Cowboy Bob was at our table. Matt ordered an appetizer and his adhd came out. He decided to put his napking around his neck like a cowboy. Naturally, I didn't catch it right away. Oh well, at least his shirt was clean!
Of course, last night we had a little restaurant ADHD again. Straw, cup, sugar packets. Empty the sugar packet, twist it up and chew it. Wind it up really tight and make it fit in the straw. Not for any particular reason except that your brain is just working on overload, and it seems like a good idea.
So does taking a few extra sugar packets for at home. Which, I said no to. And lo and behold, what shows up at dinner tonight? Matt pulls a packet out of his pocket and says, "Look Mom! I have my own sugar."
You have to admit. He's entertaining. It's just trying to make sure as his mother that the manners are in there somewhere so that when they are needed, they pop out in spite of Matt. Actually, I must be nice. I've been told many times that he has good manners. He just doesn't want me to know!

Creating my own Zig Zag Stitch

I found a tutorial on the web, but I don't know if it was in PSE. It was confusing a bit. I couldn't get the straight stitch to work. I got the zig zag figured out. I need to spend more time on the brushes. I think there is alot to learn in that category. This stitch is actually a brush I made. It is very subtle. I think I need to make it darker...next time! LOL!

I also added a "corner folding" plug in. I found the plug in at a website, and Scrapstreet provided the tutorial for PSE on how to add plug ins. Will have to mess with that more later!

There are so many tutorials out there. It's hard to fit them all in. Right now I'm just trying to learn something new with each lo. Although, I do have a few plug in lo's that I can do on the side if I just get too worn out from trying to figure out a new technique!!!

My favorite technique so far is the drop shadow. I know I haven't even scratched the surface yet of what this program can do. That's what amazes me!

Scrapstreet has a great tutorial by Christa this month on brushes, too. I need to check that one out. I read it, and it was really explained well. Maybe tonight when I am watching tv!

Church And the ADHD Kid

Church can be a challenge depending on your environment (the service) and your outlook. I never understood growing up when my Dad would say to me, "Can't I just have one hour of peace to give thanks to God?"
One hour of peace? What does that mean? How is he getting peace in here? Why does he need peace? You need peace to thank God?
Of course, as an adult, I completely understand. Some weeks that hour in church with God is the only peace you get all week! And if that is the case, I definitely want to spend time in thanks for that hour!
Now throw an ADHD kid in the mix. How peaceful is that going to be? It depends on your outlook.
If you are regimented and want him to sit and be perfect, you are in one for one miserable church experience. It's not going to happen. All kids fidget in church. Your ADHD kid is going to fidget at the very least.
I grew up Catholic. That has to be the absolute most boring hour in a kid's life every Sunday. I tried to put my ADHD kid in that environment. Hard pew. Repetetive service. Boring priest (most of the ones we had). Funeral durges for music, at least that's how it sounded to me.
Being an alter boy was a good thing for Matt. It gave him something to do. His robes, when they were long enough could hide some of that fidgeting. The priest would direct them on the alter, and it gave him something to do.
However, after a blow-out with the Catholic school and the principal, I left the Catholic Church. That is a whole other story, but I can't see Jesus supporting pedophelia, currently making headlines across the nation. My son was not molested. LEt me make that very clear. He was treated unkindly because of his ADHD in the school. It's supposed to be a Christian environment, yet they wanted him out because he wasn't meeting their definition of perfection. It was affecting their test scores. The priest supported this, which in my mind is completely nuts. Even worse for the priest who should be a Christian example to the parrish to act in such a non-Christian manner. It's a long story, let's just leave it at that.
Wow, how my spiritual life has changed and that of my children. We went to a non-denominational Christian church. Rock band. Contemporary Christian music. Non-liturgical services. Preaching on the bible. Bible believing. Fundamental.
Anyway, ADHD kid can listen to the great music. ADHD kid get variety at service and appreciates it. ADHD kid woke up and is listening because the preacher is actually saying something.
Now, Matt is not always perfect. He likes to go to the bathroom during the service. It's kind of rude and the preacher gets a little upset if people walk out when he is teaching, but Matt does have ADHD. Even if I make him use the bathroom before he leaves home, he still tries to go at church. Sometimes I let him. Sometimes not.
I do let him draw. I give him the weekly newsletter and a pen. He goes to town. He behaves. I have my hour of peace to give thanks. I feel so much better, Matt isn't getting yelled at after church for misbehaving. A simple thing like paper and pen!
He'll read the bible during the service.
He is old enough where I do expect him to sit up. And no talking. Although, that is hard with his impulsivity. I do let him make comments or ask questions, but I make sure he is whispering. He has to keep his cell phone off during the service. I think he'll live.
He's also been going to a youth group with his best friend. They play softball. The youth leader is very relaxed, and they have fun.
The Catholic youth group doesn't seem very fun from what I hear. Too many rules and expectations. Catholic behavior.
Why didn't I leave earlier? Matt would have really had a great church experience!
Imagine Christmas eve service in the Catholic Church where we were. It was supposed to be the kids' service. It was packed to the gills and the priest would get excited to have such a big audience. He would go on and on and on during his homily about this and that. These kids are trying to behave because Santa is coming, and they know he is watching. But it's hard. It's boring. It's crowded. It's hot. They're hungry. Overstimulated. And on and on goes the priest. For an hour and a half the whole mass lasts.
Now, to our current church. Fabulous entertainment by the singers. Kind of like a show. Some preaching with humor. Candles passed out and lit by everyone. Communion passed out and shared. Lots going on. Lots of stimulation, but it's all involving the congregation. Matt can last. The other kids can last. Know why? Because the pastor knows they are excited. The musical director knows they are excited. They celebrate THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, but that hour or hour and a half passes by so quickly.
What I'm trying to say I guess is that if you are miserable, don't leave church. Find another one. You need that spritual guidance and divine love, especially if your child has ADHD! Let them draw. Let them eat cheerios and have a juice box when they are young. Although, the church we go to now does have a childrens' church for the elementary age kids that better meets their needs. Bring some books. Let them read. Crayons. Coloring books. The seed is being planted my fellow Christians. The ADHD child can hear everything that is going on. It is being absorbed. Even if they are doodling or eating or drinking, they are not missing a thing that is going on around them.
Why be miserable? Life is too short. Everyone can be happy at church. Let some of your rules go and accomodate the ADHD. You will all benefit!

Report Cards & Grades

This can be a tough area. Parents have different standards and expectations. They have goals for their children. But we all want the same thing: a diploma at the end of 12th grade.

Resource is important for your child. That's what they call it here, anyway. Some places may call it Study Skills. Whatever it's called, it's legally available to your child by federal law once they are diagnosed by the school system as ADHD.

A tale of two friends: one child took Resource and one child did not. The child that did not take Resource did not take it because he was "embarrassed". He failed his freshman year. The other child who took Resource, passed. That would be Matt! And it was a valuable life lesson. It was on of his "crew", and I took advantage of his bud, and said, "See what a difference Resource makes."

My bright young man was smart enough to realize, even as a teenager with all that attitude going on, that Resource was one tool in his arsenal that got him through the school year. He definitely doesn't want to do summer school or repeat a grade. Once is plenty for Matt!

Matt and I did have a conversation about some kids this past year who were making fun of him for being in Resource. I looked at him and said, "Matt, are those kids passing? How many of them are repeating this year? How many of them will be in summer school or back in the same grade? Whose stupid now?"

Yes, it is hard to be "different" during those teenage years. Anything that makes them different is bad and one of the reasons you see them all look the same. But kids also see it doesn't bother Matt one bit to go to Resource, plus a little ass whooping he laid on a kid in 7th grade, and they know to only go so far. (I'm not proud of the fight, but people don't bother you if they know you aren't going to take their crap. That is a whole other story. At least he didn't start it!)

Matt is very personable, and more often than not, his teachers end up liking him. He is very quiet in class, for the most part, and doesn't cause any trouble, for the most part.

Anyway, report cards and grades. You must use what is available to your child and what you can get them to take advantage of. Matt will go to Resource, but he draws the line at a tutor. Tutor= stupid to him. Fair enough. The big thing is Resource. Remember to choose your battles. Which one of the two would give him the biggest advantage?

Yes, I could push. I could be really horsey about it. But, ODD can rear it's ugly head, and then I'm paying a tutor to teach a kid with an attitude who isn't receptive and might show his ADHD temper. It's too prickly. I've had that experience already.

In 5th or 6th grade, I had to get Matt a math tutor. She was a very nice woman, SAHM with a 2 year old at home. Teacher on a break raising her children. Familiar with ADHD, lucky for me. One day, Matt decided he wasn't going to do anything. He was mad for some reason. I don't remember anymore. I just remember he was escalating and I was starting to feel very prickly all over. I didn't know how this lady was going to react and handle him, what her tolerance level was, and how I was going to get him out of there successfully.

Being familiar with ADHD kids, she used all her smarts to get him to calm down and finally to do some work. You just never know, and you don't want to end up with a situation that ends up out of your control i.e. police.

Anyway, kids with ADHD often times are smarter than the average joe. It's just a matter of getting it all out. They can't always. I might be wrong, but my rule is nothing less than a C. I know my child. That is not unreasonable. PE must be an A (as he likes it and likes to play sports with his friends). Resource needs to be an A. Those are the "gimme" classes. Other than that, C's. Or he ends up with a reasonable punishment.

As he is entering his driving years...no license until he has all C's or above. They do need goals to motivate them, but they must be attainable or what's the point. Also, if you take everything away, then what's left is NOTHING. A child who has nothing to lose just ends up figuring, "why not, I've got nothing else to lose."

You're not letting them be the boss. You must do your job as a parent, but if the child doesn't see an end in sight or has lost all hope, your punishment is not going to help them reach your goal.

So as you look at grades and report cards, it is important to remember your child is an individual. They are not you either. Be realistic about the expectations you have. Let them know why you have those expectations. Remind them they are smart and can do it. Help them take advantage of what is out there to get them to feel good about school.

After all, do you want them to live at home FOREVER???

Father's Day-The Toothbrush Incident

Oh yes, Happy Father's Day. Special day planned for dad to relax. He works so hard for all of us. Matt spent the night at his friend's house so we had to pick him up on the way to the beach for the day. He promised me he would set his alarm on his phone and be ready.

I should have been smarter! When has his alarm every awaken him? NEVER! But, dad called a few times on the way over to his friend's house, and we got him up. He came out, and we gave him his morning meds. Off we go for a fun day, right?

NO! "Did you bring my toothbrush?"

No, unfortunately we did not. Now I know that is kinda gross, and he is a very clean kid! But we had gum. It's not like we left him hanging, plus we are trying to teach him to organize...an ongoing battle with ADHD!

Okay, now he hyperfocuses. He doesn't have a toothbrush. His teeth or icky. "Can't you go by the house and get my toothbrush?"

"No, we cannot. You chose to stay over here. It's on the other side of town and not on the way to the beach."

Unyielding, me! My weakness. Ok. So don't say anything about it. We butt heads all the time. It makes dad crazy.

"Can't we stop somewhere?"

"No, we are not stopping. We have everything we need with us. We planned ahead."

"Stop," states dad.

It is after all, Father's Day, and he doesn't want to have it ruined by arguements. Right? Right.

Matt thinks a minute. You know. That ADHD brain is always working. Plus he's on a mission. Bump everybody else. He has a problem. "I gotta go to the bathroom."

Yeah, that doesn't work at church, either. "There's nowhere to stop."

Not mean. True.

Dad has to speak up and remind him it is Father's Day, and he doesn't want it ruined.

We did stop. Finally, a place. "Good. Now I can buy a toothbrush."

"Do you have any money?"

"No. I'll think of something," he says ever so smartly.

Dad goes in with him. He must have chatted with him, and bought some other gum that pleased him, because he dropped the whole thing.

I have to ask the money thing. We are trying to get him to get a job.

Happy in his victory he manages the rest of the ride to the beach.

Lucky for us, he has reached some maturity level and can entertain himself at the ocean. We hardly saw him all day, except for food breaks and drink breaks.

I got alot of great photos to record the day, which is always important to me. He even hugged me and said it was fun.

He is growing. It might take some time, but eventually we will get there. The benchmark is where we started, and we are certainly lightyears from there!

Time For Bed

Got a call last night from Matt at 1:37am. He was at his friends house. He was going to bed, and he called his Dad on the cell to say, "I love you."

Poor Mom. I'm the enforcer. Dad says he knew better than to call me because I would have said, "Why are you calling so late."

My heart fell a little, but it is so positive that Matt and his dad have a great, healthy father-son relationship.

It is so ADHD to call at 1:37am. Matt is impulsive. So his mind says that he's going to bed, and he always says good night. No consequences at all. Just dial and say goodnight. No thought of what time it is. His purpose is to say goodnight. That's it.

That's why even at this age, he still runs down the hall at least twice, bangs into the bedroom door, which flies open, and he says, "Just wanted to say goodnight. Can I have a hug?" and jumps in bed on top of me or inbetween us and wiggles over.

Getting your ADHD child to bed can be a real trial for parents. If you are smart, you will make some concessions that will help him and you. Otherwise, you are in for a long, hard, sleepless on your part, battle.

It can take up to two hours for the ADHD kid to settle down and actually fall asleep. Medicated or not. So don't always blame the meds. They are not the root of all evil.

Imagine your mind on those days where you have 100 things rolling around in there, and you can't fall asleep. Well, it's like that for them every night! Try to quiet all that down when you can't help it. It's just how it is for you every day, all day and at night.

We found that our counselor and other parents had lots of great ideas and that this was a typical problem. It's time for bed, and two hours later they are still coming down the hall or coming downstairs to tell you something or get something or ask something or find something.

This can be very frustrating. You need your quiet time at night to wind down after dealing with you very busy and demanding child all day, plus you have other children to take care of. They have a bedtime routine, too, and it doesn't help if they see the other one hopping out of bed every five minutes with something to check on, ask about or get.

Full tummy from dinner and a nice, warm relaxing bath. That's our routine. It is important like everyone that there is a routine that is followed. ADHD needs routine. Our bodies need that evening routine to cue us that we are shutting down and going to sleep for all that magical chemical stuff that happens to start. That is one of the things doctors tell patients that are having sleep issues to do: get a night time routine.

Depending on their age, of course, there may be stories and hugs and talking. Whatever you do each night to get them to go to bed. I used to sing to mine, too. They liked that.

Anyway, one mother was telling us how her son played his stereo when he went to bed. Of course, not loud enough for everyone to hear. What you have to consider is, in order to wind down yourself and your child, how do you keep them in their room?

We would tell Matt he could read (yeah, right), listen to music, whatever, but he had to stay in his room. He still would pop out, but not as much. Another parent suggested a t.v., which I was always against a tv in a child's room, but this is not your every day child!

My cousin lets her kids watch videos as they fall asleep, and they don't have any disorders that I know of. I figured if it was alright for her kids, then I would try it. So my husband and I had the cable come out and put a jack in his room. He already had video games so Matt had a t.v.

If you have a battle with volume, consider headphones. That way you can't hear it. It helps. I know it seems crazy, but it works. Matt goes to bed and watches t.v. We won't let him play video games when he is trying to go to sleep for obvious reasons, but the t.v. works.

Allow yourself a two hour window. Don't get frustrated. Lay down some ground rules like you can do this and that, but don't come out of your room. Realize they will come out of their room, and allow for that. The whole idea is to get them to cut down on coming out of their room to help them wind down and you relax, too. So you measure success by them coming out less!

You also have to realize that you may go to bed while your child is still awake. It's ok, depending upon their age of course. Safety is always a primary consideration for anything we do as parents. The main thing is they are in their room and occupied. You can be in yours. If you are not comfortable, stay awake. You will see that with their set-up, they will go to bed basically around the same time each night. You will get a comfort level with that, and eventually be able to fall asleep.

As with anything I say on here, this is what applied to my situation. The idea is to quit yelling at the ADHD child and try to make a successful environment that is a win-win for everyone. It is not coddling them. It is making a positive situation that works for everyone.