Time For Bed

Got a call last night from Matt at 1:37am. He was at his friends house. He was going to bed, and he called his Dad on the cell to say, "I love you."

Poor Mom. I'm the enforcer. Dad says he knew better than to call me because I would have said, "Why are you calling so late."

My heart fell a little, but it is so positive that Matt and his dad have a great, healthy father-son relationship.

It is so ADHD to call at 1:37am. Matt is impulsive. So his mind says that he's going to bed, and he always says good night. No consequences at all. Just dial and say goodnight. No thought of what time it is. His purpose is to say goodnight. That's it.

That's why even at this age, he still runs down the hall at least twice, bangs into the bedroom door, which flies open, and he says, "Just wanted to say goodnight. Can I have a hug?" and jumps in bed on top of me or inbetween us and wiggles over.

Getting your ADHD child to bed can be a real trial for parents. If you are smart, you will make some concessions that will help him and you. Otherwise, you are in for a long, hard, sleepless on your part, battle.

It can take up to two hours for the ADHD kid to settle down and actually fall asleep. Medicated or not. So don't always blame the meds. They are not the root of all evil.

Imagine your mind on those days where you have 100 things rolling around in there, and you can't fall asleep. Well, it's like that for them every night! Try to quiet all that down when you can't help it. It's just how it is for you every day, all day and at night.

We found that our counselor and other parents had lots of great ideas and that this was a typical problem. It's time for bed, and two hours later they are still coming down the hall or coming downstairs to tell you something or get something or ask something or find something.

This can be very frustrating. You need your quiet time at night to wind down after dealing with you very busy and demanding child all day, plus you have other children to take care of. They have a bedtime routine, too, and it doesn't help if they see the other one hopping out of bed every five minutes with something to check on, ask about or get.

Full tummy from dinner and a nice, warm relaxing bath. That's our routine. It is important like everyone that there is a routine that is followed. ADHD needs routine. Our bodies need that evening routine to cue us that we are shutting down and going to sleep for all that magical chemical stuff that happens to start. That is one of the things doctors tell patients that are having sleep issues to do: get a night time routine.

Depending on their age, of course, there may be stories and hugs and talking. Whatever you do each night to get them to go to bed. I used to sing to mine, too. They liked that.

Anyway, one mother was telling us how her son played his stereo when he went to bed. Of course, not loud enough for everyone to hear. What you have to consider is, in order to wind down yourself and your child, how do you keep them in their room?

We would tell Matt he could read (yeah, right), listen to music, whatever, but he had to stay in his room. He still would pop out, but not as much. Another parent suggested a t.v., which I was always against a tv in a child's room, but this is not your every day child!

My cousin lets her kids watch videos as they fall asleep, and they don't have any disorders that I know of. I figured if it was alright for her kids, then I would try it. So my husband and I had the cable come out and put a jack in his room. He already had video games so Matt had a t.v.

If you have a battle with volume, consider headphones. That way you can't hear it. It helps. I know it seems crazy, but it works. Matt goes to bed and watches t.v. We won't let him play video games when he is trying to go to sleep for obvious reasons, but the t.v. works.

Allow yourself a two hour window. Don't get frustrated. Lay down some ground rules like you can do this and that, but don't come out of your room. Realize they will come out of their room, and allow for that. The whole idea is to get them to cut down on coming out of their room to help them wind down and you relax, too. So you measure success by them coming out less!

You also have to realize that you may go to bed while your child is still awake. It's ok, depending upon their age of course. Safety is always a primary consideration for anything we do as parents. The main thing is they are in their room and occupied. You can be in yours. If you are not comfortable, stay awake. You will see that with their set-up, they will go to bed basically around the same time each night. You will get a comfort level with that, and eventually be able to fall asleep.

As with anything I say on here, this is what applied to my situation. The idea is to quit yelling at the ADHD child and try to make a successful environment that is a win-win for everyone. It is not coddling them. It is making a positive situation that works for everyone.