Report Cards & Grades

This can be a tough area. Parents have different standards and expectations. They have goals for their children. But we all want the same thing: a diploma at the end of 12th grade.

Resource is important for your child. That's what they call it here, anyway. Some places may call it Study Skills. Whatever it's called, it's legally available to your child by federal law once they are diagnosed by the school system as ADHD.

A tale of two friends: one child took Resource and one child did not. The child that did not take Resource did not take it because he was "embarrassed". He failed his freshman year. The other child who took Resource, passed. That would be Matt! And it was a valuable life lesson. It was on of his "crew", and I took advantage of his bud, and said, "See what a difference Resource makes."

My bright young man was smart enough to realize, even as a teenager with all that attitude going on, that Resource was one tool in his arsenal that got him through the school year. He definitely doesn't want to do summer school or repeat a grade. Once is plenty for Matt!

Matt and I did have a conversation about some kids this past year who were making fun of him for being in Resource. I looked at him and said, "Matt, are those kids passing? How many of them are repeating this year? How many of them will be in summer school or back in the same grade? Whose stupid now?"

Yes, it is hard to be "different" during those teenage years. Anything that makes them different is bad and one of the reasons you see them all look the same. But kids also see it doesn't bother Matt one bit to go to Resource, plus a little ass whooping he laid on a kid in 7th grade, and they know to only go so far. (I'm not proud of the fight, but people don't bother you if they know you aren't going to take their crap. That is a whole other story. At least he didn't start it!)

Matt is very personable, and more often than not, his teachers end up liking him. He is very quiet in class, for the most part, and doesn't cause any trouble, for the most part.

Anyway, report cards and grades. You must use what is available to your child and what you can get them to take advantage of. Matt will go to Resource, but he draws the line at a tutor. Tutor= stupid to him. Fair enough. The big thing is Resource. Remember to choose your battles. Which one of the two would give him the biggest advantage?

Yes, I could push. I could be really horsey about it. But, ODD can rear it's ugly head, and then I'm paying a tutor to teach a kid with an attitude who isn't receptive and might show his ADHD temper. It's too prickly. I've had that experience already.

In 5th or 6th grade, I had to get Matt a math tutor. She was a very nice woman, SAHM with a 2 year old at home. Teacher on a break raising her children. Familiar with ADHD, lucky for me. One day, Matt decided he wasn't going to do anything. He was mad for some reason. I don't remember anymore. I just remember he was escalating and I was starting to feel very prickly all over. I didn't know how this lady was going to react and handle him, what her tolerance level was, and how I was going to get him out of there successfully.

Being familiar with ADHD kids, she used all her smarts to get him to calm down and finally to do some work. You just never know, and you don't want to end up with a situation that ends up out of your control i.e. police.

Anyway, kids with ADHD often times are smarter than the average joe. It's just a matter of getting it all out. They can't always. I might be wrong, but my rule is nothing less than a C. I know my child. That is not unreasonable. PE must be an A (as he likes it and likes to play sports with his friends). Resource needs to be an A. Those are the "gimme" classes. Other than that, C's. Or he ends up with a reasonable punishment.

As he is entering his driving years...no license until he has all C's or above. They do need goals to motivate them, but they must be attainable or what's the point. Also, if you take everything away, then what's left is NOTHING. A child who has nothing to lose just ends up figuring, "why not, I've got nothing else to lose."

You're not letting them be the boss. You must do your job as a parent, but if the child doesn't see an end in sight or has lost all hope, your punishment is not going to help them reach your goal.

So as you look at grades and report cards, it is important to remember your child is an individual. They are not you either. Be realistic about the expectations you have. Let them know why you have those expectations. Remind them they are smart and can do it. Help them take advantage of what is out there to get them to feel good about school.

After all, do you want them to live at home FOREVER???