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Read an interesting post today with lots of follow up chatter about a woman who suspects her child has ADHD. I really feel her pain as I have been down this road. The diagnosis is only the beginning of a lifetime of work, but such an attentive, caring mother, will be the best thing that ever happened to her son.

Maybe I'm posting a little for her in case she reads my blog! One of her concerns was the LABEL ADHD. I know that labeling is a concern, but in all candor, the label ADHD is so much better than the alternative of the undiagnosed child who is a "behaviour problem", a "discipline problem", "a bad kid".

The label ADHD when provided by the school district opens a world of opportunities for your child because they are then allowed resource. My ds has been in resource and a regular classroom since 4th grade when we got him diagnosed. He has not, through lots of hard work on all our parts, failed a grade yet, and he is currently passing his junior year. Now, he is not Albert Einstein in the classroom because he finds school BORING. It is boring if you have ADHD. No kidding. It can be boring if you don't have ADHD.

Our simple goal as parents was to get him through high school without him failing. A child who fails is 2X as likely to drop out. Not that we would have let him. Also, it really takes a whack at their self-esteem, which ADHD kids have enough problems with from all the crap they were told before they were diagnosed. "Why can't you sit still?" "How come you forgot your homework AGAIN?" "You can't remember to write your name on your paper?" and many other fabulous things from insensitive people who didn't care or just didn't want to be bothered.

It is more work for a teacher to have and ADHD kid in her class. She has to accomodate. Oh, there are so many gifted teachers out there who will do this willingly and lovingly because they truly are a credit to their profession. And to those who don't, you have to train them by showing them that you know what should and should not be done and by having that all powerful IEP.

To all those who struggle with getting your child tested, do it. It will either be a yes or a no. Yes, means you now have a path to travel. No means you must look for something else that is causing what you are noticing. Yes, is a beginning. No is a fork in the road.

The Cheerleader

There is a girl on a JV squad I know that has ADHD. Her older sister told me one day. Frankly, I wasn't surprised. This nice young girl turned to me at a game one night and said, "I'm not going to be able to sit here for two hours."

This I completely understood. So I gave her something to do for a quarter and also sent her on "errands" for drinks for me at the concession stand.

The thing is, cheerleading is great for her. She has so much energy. Now, she does have a harder time learning the cheers. That's concentration, and frankly, the coach should give her some more one on one, but he's not a teacher, and doesn't know or understand about ADHD.

But her spirit is head and shoulders above the rest of her team mates. Not over the top, just right if you ask me. She's not too loud, but she participates and stays busy cheering the team on.

Sometimes her form leaves something to be desired, but it's the ADHD more than anything else. Just excitement getting the cheer out and all that stuff going on around her.

I told her she was my favorite. And she is. She has spunk! I don't know how she does in school, but she has to do well enough to maintain a C average or she can't cheer. I think that cheerleading is going to do great things for her confidence, which I noticed at the start of the year could use a little help.

Her older sister kind of rides her, too. Instead of realizing it is the adhd making her bounce around, she chastises her for not sitting still like her twin. Kind of a bummer only because I know this road so well with Matt. But I plan on being her cheerleader. Keep her going and make sure she knows she is doing a great job and frankly out-cheerleading the rest of her squad.

College

Dear Matt has decided he might want to go to college. Frankly, so long as he has a job and can support himself, I don't care if he goes to college or not. BUT if he does go to college, of course I want him to succeed.

The best thing is that colleges offer many resources for the ADHD kid. Note takers, tutors, you name it.

The only thing is Matt's grades...but he has assured me he is doing well in school. He is continually telling me he is working his hardest. I'm not doubting, I just need to see his interims to see how hard I need to work on those college applications.

We really feel it would be best for Matt to start at a junior college. He needs some maturity before he hits a four year university. I'd like to see him at the junior college for at least a year where they offer alot of help. I think if he had that confidence under his belt, he would be alot better off when he went to a 4 year university.

Interims come out shortly. Then we'll go from there!

Wireless Phone Store

Ever been to the wireless phone store with your adhd kid? I have. Today. Did you know those sample phones they have on tethered lines all over the store are live? I do now. Matt called my lovely husband only lovely husband didn't answer. Then he called the cell phone number back. Lucky Matt was still playing with the phone so he was able to answer it!

And then they have the customer service computer by the door. It has a touch screen. What does that mean if you have adhd? That means you have to check it out. Press the buttons on the screen.

I'm trying to get my new phone and prevent Matt from ordering or signing up for something that we don't want/need/shouldn't be billed for.

Too much excitement in there for him. By the time I was done, I had such a headache trying to keep my eye on him and pay attention to the phone girl trying to help me so I could make sure I got only what I wanted.

How do you present yourself?

I just wonder how you present yourself when you are picking up your child from school, or when they arrive home from the bus, or when you hit the door after a long day fo work?

I read an article once about that. It really hit home. I make a special point of smiling. It's important to greet them with a smile. You know why? Because you will get one back. It also sets the tone for the afternoon or evening, don't you think?

Imagine how you would feel if you were greeted by a grunt or someone started in nagging you as soon as you hit the door or got in the car. It's much better and makes your child feel good if you greet them with a smile. After all, they haven't seen you all day!

Yesterday, my car pool was dropping off my son, and I saw them pull up. I made a point of opening the front door and putting on a big smile and a frantic wave of hello. In spite of his teen self, he had to smile and give me a big cheese. I even said, "Let me give you a big hug. I haven't seen you all day."

Guess what? He said ok. Now, that is something if you ask me.

Give it a try. You will be amazed. They feel better, and you feel better. I love how Matt's smile makes me feel. It warms me up all over. My child is smiling at me!

Starvin' Marvin'

Write what you know. I know Starvin' Marvin'. He lives with me. Some people complain that Concerta (time released Ritalin), inhibits appetite. They obviously have not met my teenage son. I did not this phenomenon early on before he hit his growth spurts. We knew that Matt would nibble breakfast and lunch and go wild at dinner. His meds had worn off by then.

Enter the growing teenage boy. I do not see an appetite supressant. Matt is hungry 24/7. I can't keep food in the house. He is constantly eating. He does burn it all off, but he just has a great metabolism because trust me, he's eating junk!

This kid was a picky eater, but since he has hit those growing teen years, he has tried more food than he ever has his whole life. He eats more of his dinner than he ever has. He is a chow hound.

I think it all evens out in the end. We always worry as mothers that our children aren't eating enough or getting the right nutrients. They do go through eating stages as the are growing. Matt has always eaten when he is in a growth spurt.

I wouldn't worry about whether your child eats or doesn't eat because they will eat when they are hungry. So long as the doctor doesn't feel they are underweight due to their meds, let them eat when nature tells them to. YOu don't want them to get food hang-ups like our parents gave us. People have enough weight problems. Let them learn to eat when they are really hungry and stop when they are full.

Stop the insanity!

Some days just make me want to pull my hair out. I say this with a mother's love. If your child has ADHD, I know you understand. You love them to death. You love their energy, their view on the world, their differences, but honestly, some days, you feel like lighting yourself on fire.

Let's talk about this morning. I am NOT a morning person at all. That being said, my dear husband makes my coffee every morning to assist me in waking up and being semi-coherent and friendly. My children learned long ago that they need to fix their own breakfast. It just isn't happening folks!

Anyway, I digress. It's time to go and Matt has spent his morning finding his school supplies to go in his brand new backpack. Now, he wasn't interested in a new back pack before school started. He thought he might find his old one. I believe we got rid of it. Also, school had not started, therefore, any thought on school was disgusting. We bought his new backpack Sunday. He had all day to search for the stuff his teachers wanted. Did he do it? NO! What was more important? Video games, race on tv...anything but that stinkin' backpack.

This morning he asks me where the paper is. On the way out the door, none of his items are in his backpack. They are in a stack, which he is holding under his arm, on top of his backpack. I guess the time to put it all in is in the five minute ride to school? Of course, doing all this arranging this morning, made him forget his id. Which I happened to notice on the way out the door. "Matt, do you have your id?"

"No."

So now he needs to go back in when we are supposed to be leaving. I have to wait because I have the door key.

Aggravation number two. My ipod is not charged. The little skunk likes to listen to it. However, it wasn't plugged in to maintain the battery power. He let the battery run out. Sometimes he listens to it before he falls asleep. I'm on my way to the gym, and I'm facing running with no music. I'm sorry, but that is boring. I feel like if you use my stuff, at least leave it the way it was when you got it...i.e. charged.

In addition, he is ruining my headphones because he has wrapped the cord so tight around the ipod, it is pulling the wiring out. As well as, he doesn't put the ipod back in my running case. He just takes it out and sets the case wherever so I end up running around having to find it. I like to wear my ipod on my arm when I run. My mini had a clip and I wore it on my shorts, but the nano doesn't so I got a little neoprene running band to put on my arm.

If I have a bad workout, I'm mad. I can't help it, so finding the ipod out of power just doesn't bode well for the morning for me since I am not a morning person in the first place.

However, I regrouped, and decided not to bitch him out all the way to school since I don't want to send him in on the wrong foot with his ODD out and end up in trouble.

Ah, so much to manage in the morning. Why he can't do this crap the day before, even when I ask 100 times, I will NEVER figure out, but it makes total sense in his ADHD teen mind.

Let's talk about driving. Matt hasn't driven since our last driving incident, except for a brief stint to the Pig. I let him drive home from Kohl's yesterday on some back roads as I felt it would give him alot of different experience without all the traffic that goes along our main roads.

He was fine, until he took a corner too wide and too fast. I corrected him, and it went downhill from there. He is driving me nuts. This time in his anger, he decided to drive right down the middle of the road. Yes, people. Right down the middle. Lucky there was no oncoming traffic and it was a neighborhood road, but a divided road, nonetheless. I laid into him when we got home, which made him mad and yell at me. Lou came running, and I got mad and had to go for a walk. I was so mad at Matt, I could hardly breathe. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

He doesn't want to listen. I know it is his ODD when he gets corrected, but the rule is you listen to the parent or you don't drive.

He wants to be better than his sister. The rule is you drive and progress at your pace and not at the pace of the other sibling.

He wants Caitee to have the radio off, too. Caitee doesn't need the radio off. That rule is for the ADHD driver.

He wants me not to think of him in the context of ADHD. So I asked him if he only had one arm, would I think of him as a two arm driver? That he understood apparently.

Sometimes I need off this wild ride. Just for a moment. But then I give him a hug and kiss and tell him I love him dearly. He let me, too. I get his sweet smile, and I still want off the wild ride, but it makes it bearable, doesn't it!