This can be a tough area. Parents have different standards and expectations. They have goals for their children. But we all want the same thing: a diploma at the end of 12th grade.
Resource is important for your child. That's what they call it here, anyway. Some places may call it Study Skills. Whatever it's called, it's legally available to your child by federal law once they are diagnosed by the school system as ADHD.
A tale of two friends: one child took Resource and one child did not. The child that did not take Resource did not take it because he was "embarrassed". He failed his freshman year. The other child who took Resource, passed. That would be Matt! And it was a valuable life lesson. It was on of his "crew", and I took advantage of his bud, and said, "See what a difference Resource makes."
My bright young man was smart enough to realize, even as a teenager with all that attitude going on, that Resource was one tool in his arsenal that got him through the school year. He definitely doesn't want to do summer school or repeat a grade. Once is plenty for Matt!
Matt and I did have a conversation about some kids this past year who were making fun of him for being in Resource. I looked at him and said, "Matt, are those kids passing? How many of them are repeating this year? How many of them will be in summer school or back in the same grade? Whose stupid now?"
Yes, it is hard to be "different" during those teenage years. Anything that makes them different is bad and one of the reasons you see them all look the same. But kids also see it doesn't bother Matt one bit to go to Resource, plus a little ass whooping he laid on a kid in 7th grade, and they know to only go so far. (I'm not proud of the fight, but people don't bother you if they know you aren't going to take their crap. That is a whole other story. At least he didn't start it!)
Matt is very personable, and more often than not, his teachers end up liking him. He is very quiet in class, for the most part, and doesn't cause any trouble, for the most part.
Anyway, report cards and grades. You must use what is available to your child and what you can get them to take advantage of. Matt will go to Resource, but he draws the line at a tutor. Tutor= stupid to him. Fair enough. The big thing is Resource. Remember to choose your battles. Which one of the two would give him the biggest advantage?
Yes, I could push. I could be really horsey about it. But, ODD can rear it's ugly head, and then I'm paying a tutor to teach a kid with an attitude who isn't receptive and might show his ADHD temper. It's too prickly. I've had that experience already.
In 5th or 6th grade, I had to get Matt a math tutor. She was a very nice woman, SAHM with a 2 year old at home. Teacher on a break raising her children. Familiar with ADHD, lucky for me. One day, Matt decided he wasn't going to do anything. He was mad for some reason. I don't remember anymore. I just remember he was escalating and I was starting to feel very prickly all over. I didn't know how this lady was going to react and handle him, what her tolerance level was, and how I was going to get him out of there successfully.
Being familiar with ADHD kids, she used all her smarts to get him to calm down and finally to do some work. You just never know, and you don't want to end up with a situation that ends up out of your control i.e. police.
Anyway, kids with ADHD often times are smarter than the average joe. It's just a matter of getting it all out. They can't always. I might be wrong, but my rule is nothing less than a C. I know my child. That is not unreasonable. PE must be an A (as he likes it and likes to play sports with his friends). Resource needs to be an A. Those are the "gimme" classes. Other than that, C's. Or he ends up with a reasonable punishment.
As he is entering his driving years...no license until he has all C's or above. They do need goals to motivate them, but they must be attainable or what's the point. Also, if you take everything away, then what's left is NOTHING. A child who has nothing to lose just ends up figuring, "why not, I've got nothing else to lose."
You're not letting them be the boss. You must do your job as a parent, but if the child doesn't see an end in sight or has lost all hope, your punishment is not going to help them reach your goal.
So as you look at grades and report cards, it is important to remember your child is an individual. They are not you either. Be realistic about the expectations you have. Let them know why you have those expectations. Remind them they are smart and can do it. Help them take advantage of what is out there to get them to feel good about school.
After all, do you want them to live at home FOREVER???
Friday, June 22, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Father's Day-The Toothbrush Incident
Oh yes, Happy Father's Day. Special day planned for dad to relax. He works so hard for all of us. Matt spent the night at his friend's house so we had to pick him up on the way to the beach for the day. He promised me he would set his alarm on his phone and be ready.
I should have been smarter! When has his alarm every awaken him? NEVER! But, dad called a few times on the way over to his friend's house, and we got him up. He came out, and we gave him his morning meds. Off we go for a fun day, right?
NO! "Did you bring my toothbrush?"
No, unfortunately we did not. Now I know that is kinda gross, and he is a very clean kid! But we had gum. It's not like we left him hanging, plus we are trying to teach him to organize...an ongoing battle with ADHD!
Okay, now he hyperfocuses. He doesn't have a toothbrush. His teeth or icky. "Can't you go by the house and get my toothbrush?"
"No, we cannot. You chose to stay over here. It's on the other side of town and not on the way to the beach."
Unyielding, me! My weakness. Ok. So don't say anything about it. We butt heads all the time. It makes dad crazy.
"Can't we stop somewhere?"
"No, we are not stopping. We have everything we need with us. We planned ahead."
"Stop," states dad.
It is after all, Father's Day, and he doesn't want to have it ruined by arguements. Right? Right.
Matt thinks a minute. You know. That ADHD brain is always working. Plus he's on a mission. Bump everybody else. He has a problem. "I gotta go to the bathroom."
Yeah, that doesn't work at church, either. "There's nowhere to stop."
Not mean. True.
Dad has to speak up and remind him it is Father's Day, and he doesn't want it ruined.
We did stop. Finally, a place. "Good. Now I can buy a toothbrush."
"Do you have any money?"
"No. I'll think of something," he says ever so smartly.
Dad goes in with him. He must have chatted with him, and bought some other gum that pleased him, because he dropped the whole thing.
I have to ask the money thing. We are trying to get him to get a job.
Happy in his victory he manages the rest of the ride to the beach.
Lucky for us, he has reached some maturity level and can entertain himself at the ocean. We hardly saw him all day, except for food breaks and drink breaks.
I got alot of great photos to record the day, which is always important to me. He even hugged me and said it was fun.
He is growing. It might take some time, but eventually we will get there. The benchmark is where we started, and we are certainly lightyears from there!
I should have been smarter! When has his alarm every awaken him? NEVER! But, dad called a few times on the way over to his friend's house, and we got him up. He came out, and we gave him his morning meds. Off we go for a fun day, right?
NO! "Did you bring my toothbrush?"
No, unfortunately we did not. Now I know that is kinda gross, and he is a very clean kid! But we had gum. It's not like we left him hanging, plus we are trying to teach him to organize...an ongoing battle with ADHD!
Okay, now he hyperfocuses. He doesn't have a toothbrush. His teeth or icky. "Can't you go by the house and get my toothbrush?"
"No, we cannot. You chose to stay over here. It's on the other side of town and not on the way to the beach."
Unyielding, me! My weakness. Ok. So don't say anything about it. We butt heads all the time. It makes dad crazy.
"Can't we stop somewhere?"
"No, we are not stopping. We have everything we need with us. We planned ahead."
"Stop," states dad.
It is after all, Father's Day, and he doesn't want to have it ruined by arguements. Right? Right.
Matt thinks a minute. You know. That ADHD brain is always working. Plus he's on a mission. Bump everybody else. He has a problem. "I gotta go to the bathroom."
Yeah, that doesn't work at church, either. "There's nowhere to stop."
Not mean. True.
Dad has to speak up and remind him it is Father's Day, and he doesn't want it ruined.
We did stop. Finally, a place. "Good. Now I can buy a toothbrush."
"Do you have any money?"
"No. I'll think of something," he says ever so smartly.
Dad goes in with him. He must have chatted with him, and bought some other gum that pleased him, because he dropped the whole thing.
I have to ask the money thing. We are trying to get him to get a job.
Happy in his victory he manages the rest of the ride to the beach.
Lucky for us, he has reached some maturity level and can entertain himself at the ocean. We hardly saw him all day, except for food breaks and drink breaks.
I got alot of great photos to record the day, which is always important to me. He even hugged me and said it was fun.
He is growing. It might take some time, but eventually we will get there. The benchmark is where we started, and we are certainly lightyears from there!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Time For Bed
Got a call last night from Matt at 1:37am. He was at his friends house. He was going to bed, and he called his Dad on the cell to say, "I love you."
Poor Mom. I'm the enforcer. Dad says he knew better than to call me because I would have said, "Why are you calling so late."
My heart fell a little, but it is so positive that Matt and his dad have a great, healthy father-son relationship.
It is so ADHD to call at 1:37am. Matt is impulsive. So his mind says that he's going to bed, and he always says good night. No consequences at all. Just dial and say goodnight. No thought of what time it is. His purpose is to say goodnight. That's it.
That's why even at this age, he still runs down the hall at least twice, bangs into the bedroom door, which flies open, and he says, "Just wanted to say goodnight. Can I have a hug?" and jumps in bed on top of me or inbetween us and wiggles over.
Getting your ADHD child to bed can be a real trial for parents. If you are smart, you will make some concessions that will help him and you. Otherwise, you are in for a long, hard, sleepless on your part, battle.
It can take up to two hours for the ADHD kid to settle down and actually fall asleep. Medicated or not. So don't always blame the meds. They are not the root of all evil.
Imagine your mind on those days where you have 100 things rolling around in there, and you can't fall asleep. Well, it's like that for them every night! Try to quiet all that down when you can't help it. It's just how it is for you every day, all day and at night.
We found that our counselor and other parents had lots of great ideas and that this was a typical problem. It's time for bed, and two hours later they are still coming down the hall or coming downstairs to tell you something or get something or ask something or find something.
This can be very frustrating. You need your quiet time at night to wind down after dealing with you very busy and demanding child all day, plus you have other children to take care of. They have a bedtime routine, too, and it doesn't help if they see the other one hopping out of bed every five minutes with something to check on, ask about or get.
Full tummy from dinner and a nice, warm relaxing bath. That's our routine. It is important like everyone that there is a routine that is followed. ADHD needs routine. Our bodies need that evening routine to cue us that we are shutting down and going to sleep for all that magical chemical stuff that happens to start. That is one of the things doctors tell patients that are having sleep issues to do: get a night time routine.
Depending on their age, of course, there may be stories and hugs and talking. Whatever you do each night to get them to go to bed. I used to sing to mine, too. They liked that.
Anyway, one mother was telling us how her son played his stereo when he went to bed. Of course, not loud enough for everyone to hear. What you have to consider is, in order to wind down yourself and your child, how do you keep them in their room?
We would tell Matt he could read (yeah, right), listen to music, whatever, but he had to stay in his room. He still would pop out, but not as much. Another parent suggested a t.v., which I was always against a tv in a child's room, but this is not your every day child!
My cousin lets her kids watch videos as they fall asleep, and they don't have any disorders that I know of. I figured if it was alright for her kids, then I would try it. So my husband and I had the cable come out and put a jack in his room. He already had video games so Matt had a t.v.
If you have a battle with volume, consider headphones. That way you can't hear it. It helps. I know it seems crazy, but it works. Matt goes to bed and watches t.v. We won't let him play video games when he is trying to go to sleep for obvious reasons, but the t.v. works.
Allow yourself a two hour window. Don't get frustrated. Lay down some ground rules like you can do this and that, but don't come out of your room. Realize they will come out of their room, and allow for that. The whole idea is to get them to cut down on coming out of their room to help them wind down and you relax, too. So you measure success by them coming out less!
You also have to realize that you may go to bed while your child is still awake. It's ok, depending upon their age of course. Safety is always a primary consideration for anything we do as parents. The main thing is they are in their room and occupied. You can be in yours. If you are not comfortable, stay awake. You will see that with their set-up, they will go to bed basically around the same time each night. You will get a comfort level with that, and eventually be able to fall asleep.
As with anything I say on here, this is what applied to my situation. The idea is to quit yelling at the ADHD child and try to make a successful environment that is a win-win for everyone. It is not coddling them. It is making a positive situation that works for everyone.
Poor Mom. I'm the enforcer. Dad says he knew better than to call me because I would have said, "Why are you calling so late."
My heart fell a little, but it is so positive that Matt and his dad have a great, healthy father-son relationship.
It is so ADHD to call at 1:37am. Matt is impulsive. So his mind says that he's going to bed, and he always says good night. No consequences at all. Just dial and say goodnight. No thought of what time it is. His purpose is to say goodnight. That's it.
That's why even at this age, he still runs down the hall at least twice, bangs into the bedroom door, which flies open, and he says, "Just wanted to say goodnight. Can I have a hug?" and jumps in bed on top of me or inbetween us and wiggles over.
Getting your ADHD child to bed can be a real trial for parents. If you are smart, you will make some concessions that will help him and you. Otherwise, you are in for a long, hard, sleepless on your part, battle.
It can take up to two hours for the ADHD kid to settle down and actually fall asleep. Medicated or not. So don't always blame the meds. They are not the root of all evil.
Imagine your mind on those days where you have 100 things rolling around in there, and you can't fall asleep. Well, it's like that for them every night! Try to quiet all that down when you can't help it. It's just how it is for you every day, all day and at night.
We found that our counselor and other parents had lots of great ideas and that this was a typical problem. It's time for bed, and two hours later they are still coming down the hall or coming downstairs to tell you something or get something or ask something or find something.
This can be very frustrating. You need your quiet time at night to wind down after dealing with you very busy and demanding child all day, plus you have other children to take care of. They have a bedtime routine, too, and it doesn't help if they see the other one hopping out of bed every five minutes with something to check on, ask about or get.
Full tummy from dinner and a nice, warm relaxing bath. That's our routine. It is important like everyone that there is a routine that is followed. ADHD needs routine. Our bodies need that evening routine to cue us that we are shutting down and going to sleep for all that magical chemical stuff that happens to start. That is one of the things doctors tell patients that are having sleep issues to do: get a night time routine.
Depending on their age, of course, there may be stories and hugs and talking. Whatever you do each night to get them to go to bed. I used to sing to mine, too. They liked that.
Anyway, one mother was telling us how her son played his stereo when he went to bed. Of course, not loud enough for everyone to hear. What you have to consider is, in order to wind down yourself and your child, how do you keep them in their room?
We would tell Matt he could read (yeah, right), listen to music, whatever, but he had to stay in his room. He still would pop out, but not as much. Another parent suggested a t.v., which I was always against a tv in a child's room, but this is not your every day child!
My cousin lets her kids watch videos as they fall asleep, and they don't have any disorders that I know of. I figured if it was alright for her kids, then I would try it. So my husband and I had the cable come out and put a jack in his room. He already had video games so Matt had a t.v.
If you have a battle with volume, consider headphones. That way you can't hear it. It helps. I know it seems crazy, but it works. Matt goes to bed and watches t.v. We won't let him play video games when he is trying to go to sleep for obvious reasons, but the t.v. works.
Allow yourself a two hour window. Don't get frustrated. Lay down some ground rules like you can do this and that, but don't come out of your room. Realize they will come out of their room, and allow for that. The whole idea is to get them to cut down on coming out of their room to help them wind down and you relax, too. So you measure success by them coming out less!
You also have to realize that you may go to bed while your child is still awake. It's ok, depending upon their age of course. Safety is always a primary consideration for anything we do as parents. The main thing is they are in their room and occupied. You can be in yours. If you are not comfortable, stay awake. You will see that with their set-up, they will go to bed basically around the same time each night. You will get a comfort level with that, and eventually be able to fall asleep.
As with anything I say on here, this is what applied to my situation. The idea is to quit yelling at the ADHD child and try to make a successful environment that is a win-win for everyone. It is not coddling them. It is making a positive situation that works for everyone.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
What can I do that is fun?
"Mom, what can I do that is fun?" queried my ADHD kid.
Those words are loaded. Let me tell you!!!
Part of ADHD is excitement, stimulation, their mind is always seeking the next thing. Think how easily excited they are. Think Christmas. If your child is like mine, he is over the top. We have to peel him off the ceiling for this holiday. Putting up the tree is a major activity. But you can channel that excitment to your advantage. Like letting him set up the tree if you have an artificial one. Let him put the lights on and set up the train. We happen to have a ski slope on ours. That's good for at least 30-45 minutes of peace! LOL!
Once the tree is up, he's ready for lights outside. Lots of lights. He and Dad have a major project putting up the lights on the bushes. And every few days or so, Matt will rearrange them to better suit himself. That's fine. He's excited and that energy is channeled in a positive way!
Opening presents goes by way to fast for Matt. He's so stimulated by the colors, the lights, the mystery of what's under the tree, not just for himself, but for everyone. He's excited to give presents and receive. He loves it all. Stockings, presents. He's always so disappointed when it is over. He keeps telling everyone to slow down! Hard to imagine, but he wants the whole thing to last forever!
"What can I do that is fun," at age 6? How about tie my skateboard to my friend's bike and ride up and down the street. If we fall off, what's a little scrape on the knee of elbow. They go as fast as their little legs will take them, laughing the whole time. Cries of, "let's do it again!" when the ride is over and the road has run out.
"What can I do that is fun," at age 16. This comes from his friend, M, and should scare you. "Skitchin' ". Do you know what that is? It is hitching a ride on the back of a pick-up or car while on your skateboard. It is DANGEROUS and illegal, but M doesn't care. He has ADHD, too. Unsupervised. He has a chunk out of his shoulder the size of a half dollar. "Oh, that's nothing," M tells me. "You should see my ankle."
Obviously, I tell him he shouldn't be doing that, but he just laughs. Part of that is the confidence of the teenager that they are indestructable. The other part is that ADHD mind saying, "Are you kidding. This rocks!"
ADHD kids love video games. They are at their speed of thought. They stimulate and keep their brain occupied. Of course, you don't want them to be a video junkie and do have to monitor that.
You have to have plans for those down times. Over Christmas break, you have to have things lined up. Not constantly, but they need something to look forward to such as trips to the library (depending on their age and interest), a lunch out, a breakfast out, a picnic inside on a rainy day, movie rentals, movies (free ones if you can get that at your movie theatre), museums, art projects, cooking...the list goes on but you get the idea. Down time can be the enemy. You need to guide, especially when they are young and are learning to deal with their ADHD.
Matt likes lots of activity. The only thing Ihave ever found that wears this kid out is the beach. When we are there he is out when the sun is up to fish, swim, boogey board, hike, explore, and he goes, even at this age, until he passes out at night.
He likes to swim with his friends at home, play basketball, football and baseball in the front yard. He wants to be on the move.
Naturally, all this activity is healthy so I'm all for it. It also channels all that energy. One of the best things he's been doing lately is playing church softball. Games and practice twice a week that he totally looks forward to. He also has enjoyed the church youth group. I'm confident that the youth pastor is gifted, plus they feed them before their lesson. Matt is definitely about food, especially when it involves fried chicken and seconds!
What I'm trying to say in a round about way is have a few tricks up your sleeve, mom. They can be inexpensive like playdough (home made recipes are all over the web) to movies. It's up to you, but have a back-up plan for those down times so that you don't go nuts and get frustrated and neither does he! It keeps the family at peace. It's worth the effort!
Those words are loaded. Let me tell you!!!
Part of ADHD is excitement, stimulation, their mind is always seeking the next thing. Think how easily excited they are. Think Christmas. If your child is like mine, he is over the top. We have to peel him off the ceiling for this holiday. Putting up the tree is a major activity. But you can channel that excitment to your advantage. Like letting him set up the tree if you have an artificial one. Let him put the lights on and set up the train. We happen to have a ski slope on ours. That's good for at least 30-45 minutes of peace! LOL!
Once the tree is up, he's ready for lights outside. Lots of lights. He and Dad have a major project putting up the lights on the bushes. And every few days or so, Matt will rearrange them to better suit himself. That's fine. He's excited and that energy is channeled in a positive way!
Opening presents goes by way to fast for Matt. He's so stimulated by the colors, the lights, the mystery of what's under the tree, not just for himself, but for everyone. He's excited to give presents and receive. He loves it all. Stockings, presents. He's always so disappointed when it is over. He keeps telling everyone to slow down! Hard to imagine, but he wants the whole thing to last forever!
"What can I do that is fun," at age 6? How about tie my skateboard to my friend's bike and ride up and down the street. If we fall off, what's a little scrape on the knee of elbow. They go as fast as their little legs will take them, laughing the whole time. Cries of, "let's do it again!" when the ride is over and the road has run out.
"What can I do that is fun," at age 16. This comes from his friend, M, and should scare you. "Skitchin' ". Do you know what that is? It is hitching a ride on the back of a pick-up or car while on your skateboard. It is DANGEROUS and illegal, but M doesn't care. He has ADHD, too. Unsupervised. He has a chunk out of his shoulder the size of a half dollar. "Oh, that's nothing," M tells me. "You should see my ankle."
Obviously, I tell him he shouldn't be doing that, but he just laughs. Part of that is the confidence of the teenager that they are indestructable. The other part is that ADHD mind saying, "Are you kidding. This rocks!"
ADHD kids love video games. They are at their speed of thought. They stimulate and keep their brain occupied. Of course, you don't want them to be a video junkie and do have to monitor that.
You have to have plans for those down times. Over Christmas break, you have to have things lined up. Not constantly, but they need something to look forward to such as trips to the library (depending on their age and interest), a lunch out, a breakfast out, a picnic inside on a rainy day, movie rentals, movies (free ones if you can get that at your movie theatre), museums, art projects, cooking...the list goes on but you get the idea. Down time can be the enemy. You need to guide, especially when they are young and are learning to deal with their ADHD.
Matt likes lots of activity. The only thing Ihave ever found that wears this kid out is the beach. When we are there he is out when the sun is up to fish, swim, boogey board, hike, explore, and he goes, even at this age, until he passes out at night.
He likes to swim with his friends at home, play basketball, football and baseball in the front yard. He wants to be on the move.
Naturally, all this activity is healthy so I'm all for it. It also channels all that energy. One of the best things he's been doing lately is playing church softball. Games and practice twice a week that he totally looks forward to. He also has enjoyed the church youth group. I'm confident that the youth pastor is gifted, plus they feed them before their lesson. Matt is definitely about food, especially when it involves fried chicken and seconds!
What I'm trying to say in a round about way is have a few tricks up your sleeve, mom. They can be inexpensive like playdough (home made recipes are all over the web) to movies. It's up to you, but have a back-up plan for those down times so that you don't go nuts and get frustrated and neither does he! It keeps the family at peace. It's worth the effort!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Right Doctor
There is so much to chat about with ADHD. I'm sure I'm never going to run out of topics. I've learned so much over the past several years through reading, research and living with my ADHD kid!
An essential tool in the arsenal of ADHD is the doctor, but you have to do your part with him as well. I'm sure you are noticing a common theme here: how much you have to do. That's the thing there, mom, you are the key to getting all these pieces coordinated and keeping it all together.
If you have friends whose children have ADHD, you will know right away who to go see. At least if you talk to them! There may be more than two doctors in my town that are pro-ADHD, but I do know of two exactly at the moment. Mostly because everyone goes to this one pediatricians' office or my family doctor.
What is a pro-ADHD doctor? One that listens to you and works with you. I'm sure there is a doctor or two in your town that is known for being good with ADHD. That's who you need to go see. Don't waste time experimenting unless that office is not on your insurance. Save yourself the time, money, and agony.
The right doctor knows that ADHD really exists. I'll talk more about that later as I've got some great stories on that topic. However, you have to bring your facts with you when you come, and make sure that he knows you are doing your part with home, school and counseling.
One of my favorite questions is: Is your child more active than other children? How would I know? When he plays with his friends, they are as active as him. He's always been that way so I wouldn't know any different. I just find this to be a poor question since we, the parent, have been dealing with the activity for HOW LONG!!! Anyway, this only applies if your kid is diagnosed with the hyperactivity part, which mine is!
Frankly, activity is but a piece of the puzzle. They can hyperfocus, too. Try and pull them away from a video game, which is ADHD heaven. So much going on at a pace their brain can keep up with and enjoy. Not like the rest of the time when they are twenty thoughts ahead of the rest of the world. So can your child sit still? Yes, if they are hyperfocused.
Back to the topic at hand. The doctor is the one who prescribes the medication that is a piece of the puzzle to successfully managing ADHD. Medication is not the whole answer. You absolutely need behavior modification and family counseling along with it, plus the school's buy in.
If not, your equilateral triangle is unbalanced. I've mentioned that before. Everyone has to do their part to keep everything moving forward.
Medication is not an exact science. Your doctor needs to be a good listener. You need to give him the right facts. Leave the emotion at home.
For example, Matt started out on Ritalin. I started getting notes home that before lunch he was having some problems in class. After lunch, he would be fine. He was taking the Ritalin 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. What was happening was that the Ritalin was wearing off right before lunch. Then he would go to the nurse for his med and have lunch, after which he would be fine for the rest of the day. Until he got home with me and then I would see a window of change before dinner time.
With this information, the doctor was able to see that Matt was having peaks and troughs with the Ritalin. It should have been seemless, but he was metabolizing it in such a way, that we could see him come off. You're not supposed to. We changed Matt to Concerta, a time released Ritalin, and BINGO, his problem was solved! For the time being.
Children grow. That's one reason you have to be ever vigilant. You, the teachers, the counselor, everyone has to notice the changes. When they grow, their dosage isn't right anymore, and it has to be changed. You need to be able to go to the doctor and say, "I notice that he is blah blah blah...(insert behavior you notice here)."
Most often you will notice, and the teacher(s) will notice, and that will be your cue! Or as your child gets older, he may say, "I'm having more trouble paying attention."
Matt was able to tell me that this year. Very helpful. They learn things, too, as they go along.
Medication is not an exact science. I will leave that topic for another day. Let it suffice to say that it is part of the keys to success in your child's life. The doctor is the only one that prescribe that medication, and he has to be on your side, part of your team. If not, you are wasting your time. Get someone new!
An essential tool in the arsenal of ADHD is the doctor, but you have to do your part with him as well. I'm sure you are noticing a common theme here: how much you have to do. That's the thing there, mom, you are the key to getting all these pieces coordinated and keeping it all together.
If you have friends whose children have ADHD, you will know right away who to go see. At least if you talk to them! There may be more than two doctors in my town that are pro-ADHD, but I do know of two exactly at the moment. Mostly because everyone goes to this one pediatricians' office or my family doctor.
What is a pro-ADHD doctor? One that listens to you and works with you. I'm sure there is a doctor or two in your town that is known for being good with ADHD. That's who you need to go see. Don't waste time experimenting unless that office is not on your insurance. Save yourself the time, money, and agony.
The right doctor knows that ADHD really exists. I'll talk more about that later as I've got some great stories on that topic. However, you have to bring your facts with you when you come, and make sure that he knows you are doing your part with home, school and counseling.
One of my favorite questions is: Is your child more active than other children? How would I know? When he plays with his friends, they are as active as him. He's always been that way so I wouldn't know any different. I just find this to be a poor question since we, the parent, have been dealing with the activity for HOW LONG!!! Anyway, this only applies if your kid is diagnosed with the hyperactivity part, which mine is!
Frankly, activity is but a piece of the puzzle. They can hyperfocus, too. Try and pull them away from a video game, which is ADHD heaven. So much going on at a pace their brain can keep up with and enjoy. Not like the rest of the time when they are twenty thoughts ahead of the rest of the world. So can your child sit still? Yes, if they are hyperfocused.
Back to the topic at hand. The doctor is the one who prescribes the medication that is a piece of the puzzle to successfully managing ADHD. Medication is not the whole answer. You absolutely need behavior modification and family counseling along with it, plus the school's buy in.
If not, your equilateral triangle is unbalanced. I've mentioned that before. Everyone has to do their part to keep everything moving forward.
Medication is not an exact science. Your doctor needs to be a good listener. You need to give him the right facts. Leave the emotion at home.
For example, Matt started out on Ritalin. I started getting notes home that before lunch he was having some problems in class. After lunch, he would be fine. He was taking the Ritalin 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. What was happening was that the Ritalin was wearing off right before lunch. Then he would go to the nurse for his med and have lunch, after which he would be fine for the rest of the day. Until he got home with me and then I would see a window of change before dinner time.
With this information, the doctor was able to see that Matt was having peaks and troughs with the Ritalin. It should have been seemless, but he was metabolizing it in such a way, that we could see him come off. You're not supposed to. We changed Matt to Concerta, a time released Ritalin, and BINGO, his problem was solved! For the time being.
Children grow. That's one reason you have to be ever vigilant. You, the teachers, the counselor, everyone has to notice the changes. When they grow, their dosage isn't right anymore, and it has to be changed. You need to be able to go to the doctor and say, "I notice that he is blah blah blah...(insert behavior you notice here)."
Most often you will notice, and the teacher(s) will notice, and that will be your cue! Or as your child gets older, he may say, "I'm having more trouble paying attention."
Matt was able to tell me that this year. Very helpful. They learn things, too, as they go along.
Medication is not an exact science. I will leave that topic for another day. Let it suffice to say that it is part of the keys to success in your child's life. The doctor is the only one that prescribe that medication, and he has to be on your side, part of your team. If not, you are wasting your time. Get someone new!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
A practical lesson in ODD management
ODD reared it's ugly head at our house yesterday. Now, mind you it's mixed these days with the temperament of a 16 year old boy/man.
Trying to get Matt to get a job. He wants a job. He just doesn't want us to tell him to get a job. But if we don't ride his butt, he doesn't fill out any applications. He flat out said, "I'm not going to do anything because you want me to." That is ODD in a nutshell. Also, teenage boy.
Mind you, Matt's ODD has been tempered with years of behavioral modification/anger management and maturity. It's a process not an immediate fix. Yesterday could have been all out blow out, but he just ignored me and said, "Quit yelling at me."
Now, I do know from living with him that yelling frustrates him. I don't want him frustrated. So that is my queue to back off. Part of anger management. It has to come from both directions. That means I need to regroup and try a different tactic. So you see, it's not always HIM. Sometimes it is me, too.
At 16, he thinks he knows everything. Of course, what teenager doesn't. That isn't ADHD or ADD. But how you get him to do what is right is all about managing the ADHD and ODD and about letting him become a man, too, and make some decisions and mistakes.
ODD management is about picking your battles. Letting the small things go and saving for the things that really matter. For example, his application has to be filled out correctly. So the pencil one has to be thrown out and he has to re-do it all in pen. Re-do is HELL for ADHD because they thought it was already done. I saved my battle for the application because remember there are two parts to a job. The dress and the application.
Yes, he had jeans on, but he had a belt on and his Sperry's. And in what I thought was an innovative move, a Gamecock t-shirt. He was applying at a sports bar. That made me compliment him on his original thinking to wear a team t-shirt to apply at a sports bar. He smiled. It made him feel good.
Maybe we fought about the application to get it right, but he got to dress himself and got a compliment out of it for ingenuity. That made it alright. He was self-satisfied. I was satisfied. ODD put to bed, and he got some confidence.
Trying to get Matt to get a job. He wants a job. He just doesn't want us to tell him to get a job. But if we don't ride his butt, he doesn't fill out any applications. He flat out said, "I'm not going to do anything because you want me to." That is ODD in a nutshell. Also, teenage boy.
Mind you, Matt's ODD has been tempered with years of behavioral modification/anger management and maturity. It's a process not an immediate fix. Yesterday could have been all out blow out, but he just ignored me and said, "Quit yelling at me."
Now, I do know from living with him that yelling frustrates him. I don't want him frustrated. So that is my queue to back off. Part of anger management. It has to come from both directions. That means I need to regroup and try a different tactic. So you see, it's not always HIM. Sometimes it is me, too.
At 16, he thinks he knows everything. Of course, what teenager doesn't. That isn't ADHD or ADD. But how you get him to do what is right is all about managing the ADHD and ODD and about letting him become a man, too, and make some decisions and mistakes.
ODD management is about picking your battles. Letting the small things go and saving for the things that really matter. For example, his application has to be filled out correctly. So the pencil one has to be thrown out and he has to re-do it all in pen. Re-do is HELL for ADHD because they thought it was already done. I saved my battle for the application because remember there are two parts to a job. The dress and the application.
Yes, he had jeans on, but he had a belt on and his Sperry's. And in what I thought was an innovative move, a Gamecock t-shirt. He was applying at a sports bar. That made me compliment him on his original thinking to wear a team t-shirt to apply at a sports bar. He smiled. It made him feel good.
Maybe we fought about the application to get it right, but he got to dress himself and got a compliment out of it for ingenuity. That made it alright. He was self-satisfied. I was satisfied. ODD put to bed, and he got some confidence.
Monday, June 4, 2007
More Humor and ODD, too
Along with the frustration, there is alot of humor. You just need to keep your eyes open for those times and enjoy the moments.
Let's talk about ODD first and then have a good laugh over a couple things Matt did over the weekend!
Often times with ADHD children will have a co-existing condition. Some children have ADHD and are bi-polar. Boy is that tough. Let me tell you, I know a few mother's whose children have this, and it is very hard to keep all that under control. As luck would have it, the most often co-existing condition is ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There are many websites out there that discuss this topic, and if your child has ADHD, you definitely need to read up on it. You definitely need to deal with it, too.
It's manageable. Don't freak. You'll see. I just mention it because I know you will experience it. I did, and still do with Matt, but not as much. You see, he's come a long way from the early days of his diagnosis. But push the right buttons and his ODD rears it's ugly head.
Just a general chat for now. I'll add a few links, too, for you to check out, and we can discuss it more in detail as we go on!
On to the humorous part of our day! Oh the laugh I had over this one. As we were getting ready for a wedding, to which Matt had no interest in attending because he is a teenage boy, he tried to wear his tennis shoes (among other things like shorts and a t-shirt). I told him in no uncertain terms to go get his Sperry's because he wasn't wearing tennis shoes to any wedding with us. He came into my room and proceeded to reach between the mattress and the box spring where his shoes were stored...
As we were driving the two hours it took to get to the wedding, I said to my husband, "I know he stuck his shoes in there to hide them so he wouldn't have to wear them."
To which Matt replied, "No. That's not it at all. I put glove softener on them."
He is playing softball for a church league, and we had to buy a glove for him. A new glove needs to be softened with leather conditioner and folded in half and stuck between the m attress to get its shape right. Naturally, it follows in the ADHD mind that if leather softener works for your glove, it will work for your Sperry's and make them more comfortable.
I'm still laughing over that one!
Now, as luck would have it, when he pulled his shoes out of the mattress, they had a hole on each end. I looked at my husband and said, "They have holes in them. He is not wearing shoes to a wedding with holes in them."
I'm sucha mother, aren't I? Anyway, my husband said that they weren't holes it looked like marker or dirt. I said, "No, those are holes."
Sure enough, upon close examination of the Sperry's, there were holes. I have no idea about how they got there, but in any case, they were unwearable as far as I was concerned.
Much to our dismay, we had to make a stop on the way to the wedding to purchase new shoes with about a 10-15 minute window to grab and go. We did it! And Matt ended up looking nice and handsome. My children received many compliments, and so I was very pleased!
On they way home, Matt pipes up from the back of the car, "I'm keeping these shoes."
I look at my husband quizzically and say, "Does he really think he can return them now?"
That's not ADHD, that's teen. But, honestly, he's worn them all day and the weather was a torrential downpour so they got wet...return them to the store? Oh, that kid just really cracks me up!
Let's talk about ODD first and then have a good laugh over a couple things Matt did over the weekend!
Often times with ADHD children will have a co-existing condition. Some children have ADHD and are bi-polar. Boy is that tough. Let me tell you, I know a few mother's whose children have this, and it is very hard to keep all that under control. As luck would have it, the most often co-existing condition is ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There are many websites out there that discuss this topic, and if your child has ADHD, you definitely need to read up on it. You definitely need to deal with it, too.
It's manageable. Don't freak. You'll see. I just mention it because I know you will experience it. I did, and still do with Matt, but not as much. You see, he's come a long way from the early days of his diagnosis. But push the right buttons and his ODD rears it's ugly head.
Just a general chat for now. I'll add a few links, too, for you to check out, and we can discuss it more in detail as we go on!
On to the humorous part of our day! Oh the laugh I had over this one. As we were getting ready for a wedding, to which Matt had no interest in attending because he is a teenage boy, he tried to wear his tennis shoes (among other things like shorts and a t-shirt). I told him in no uncertain terms to go get his Sperry's because he wasn't wearing tennis shoes to any wedding with us. He came into my room and proceeded to reach between the mattress and the box spring where his shoes were stored...
As we were driving the two hours it took to get to the wedding, I said to my husband, "I know he stuck his shoes in there to hide them so he wouldn't have to wear them."
To which Matt replied, "No. That's not it at all. I put glove softener on them."
He is playing softball for a church league, and we had to buy a glove for him. A new glove needs to be softened with leather conditioner and folded in half and stuck between the m attress to get its shape right. Naturally, it follows in the ADHD mind that if leather softener works for your glove, it will work for your Sperry's and make them more comfortable.
I'm still laughing over that one!
Now, as luck would have it, when he pulled his shoes out of the mattress, they had a hole on each end. I looked at my husband and said, "They have holes in them. He is not wearing shoes to a wedding with holes in them."
I'm sucha mother, aren't I? Anyway, my husband said that they weren't holes it looked like marker or dirt. I said, "No, those are holes."
Sure enough, upon close examination of the Sperry's, there were holes. I have no idea about how they got there, but in any case, they were unwearable as far as I was concerned.
Much to our dismay, we had to make a stop on the way to the wedding to purchase new shoes with about a 10-15 minute window to grab and go. We did it! And Matt ended up looking nice and handsome. My children received many compliments, and so I was very pleased!
On they way home, Matt pipes up from the back of the car, "I'm keeping these shoes."
I look at my husband quizzically and say, "Does he really think he can return them now?"
That's not ADHD, that's teen. But, honestly, he's worn them all day and the weather was a torrential downpour so they got wet...return them to the store? Oh, that kid just really cracks me up!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
The Wedding Crasher
Not really. But ADHD kid is going to a wedding with us today. First, he did everything he could to get out of it. Tried the very clever, "But I have something at church tomorrow." Would have worked, too, except that he can't lie. He always starts to smile.
"Can't I stay with..."
"Are you sure I have to go..."
"What about..."
"Wish I could bring a PSP." Oh, that would be nice. Wouldn't it? Not that anyone is paying attention to my kid, but on the off chance we sit near a relative of the happy couple, I don't want to ruin their day by distractions. Even though you can turn the sound off, you can still hear the clicking of buttons.
Suddenly a light went off and a smile came on his face. "I need to go charge the i-Pod."
"Son, you cannot wear an i-Pod at a wedding. It just isn't nice."
Yes, some of this is normal teen behavior. What teenage kid really wants to go to a wedding? I even tried bribing with all the food they will have at the reception to which he grumbled, "It will probably be all that fancy stuff."
Some of it is ADHD. Sitting for how long at the wedding? I'll make sure I have pen and paper in my purse. Then he can doodle. I'm sure there will be enough going on at the reception, and if not, I'll just take him out and about for a walk so at least dh can enjoy himself since it's his special friend pseudo-baby brother!
Take him to the wedding. He has to go. It's someone special, and he needs to learn about obligations. But since he has ADHD, go prepared so you aren't exasperated the whole time with unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior. It's a win-win for everyone!
"Can't I stay with..."
"Are you sure I have to go..."
"What about..."
"Wish I could bring a PSP." Oh, that would be nice. Wouldn't it? Not that anyone is paying attention to my kid, but on the off chance we sit near a relative of the happy couple, I don't want to ruin their day by distractions. Even though you can turn the sound off, you can still hear the clicking of buttons.
Suddenly a light went off and a smile came on his face. "I need to go charge the i-Pod."
"Son, you cannot wear an i-Pod at a wedding. It just isn't nice."
Yes, some of this is normal teen behavior. What teenage kid really wants to go to a wedding? I even tried bribing with all the food they will have at the reception to which he grumbled, "It will probably be all that fancy stuff."
Some of it is ADHD. Sitting for how long at the wedding? I'll make sure I have pen and paper in my purse. Then he can doodle. I'm sure there will be enough going on at the reception, and if not, I'll just take him out and about for a walk so at least dh can enjoy himself since it's his special friend pseudo-baby brother!
Take him to the wedding. He has to go. It's someone special, and he needs to learn about obligations. But since he has ADHD, go prepared so you aren't exasperated the whole time with unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior. It's a win-win for everyone!
Friday, June 1, 2007
The ADHD Mind
You have to have a sense of humor about ADHD. It can be very entertaining. Usually, the ADHD kid has above average intelligence. Their problem is just getting it out. I definitely want to use this blog to chat about the funny things Matt does, too. I just love his creativity! It's unfettered.
Last night, Matt was cooling off in the pool and he grabbed the skimmer net attached to the pole and pole vaulted into the pool. Now, in my 3 years of having a pool, I've never thought about doing that. Have you ever in your pool life? But Matt's mind just ticks away and sees things and uses them. Aside from the fact I had to say not to do that again as it might put a hole in the pool liner, I was laughing hysterically at his antics! What a clever guy!
Oh yes, and last week, my little comedian had another brainstorm. We had to go to the pool store where he saw fountains. "We need a fountain, Mom."
"Not right now," I had to say. What a party pooper I am or as my friend, Nancy would say, "a fun-sucker".
Did that slow down my genius? No. His ADHD mind was already off and running. As soon as we got home, he grabbed the lid to a styrofoam cooler and the sprinkler attachment. He put the cooler lid in the pool and set the sprinkler on top of it and attached the garden hose. It's so obvious, isn't it. Why didn't you think of it? Sadly, the force of the water through the hose knocked the sprinkler off the lid and into the pool. Okay, a consequence. A slow down to the plan. A mere interruption.
Scrap the cooler lid. Just set the sprinkler on the edge of the pool and adjust it so it rains on the pool surface (cleverly not wasting water on the deck). This is the pool fountain.
Isn't ADHD great fun? So clever. I mean, whodathunkit?
Last night, Matt was cooling off in the pool and he grabbed the skimmer net attached to the pole and pole vaulted into the pool. Now, in my 3 years of having a pool, I've never thought about doing that. Have you ever in your pool life? But Matt's mind just ticks away and sees things and uses them. Aside from the fact I had to say not to do that again as it might put a hole in the pool liner, I was laughing hysterically at his antics! What a clever guy!
Oh yes, and last week, my little comedian had another brainstorm. We had to go to the pool store where he saw fountains. "We need a fountain, Mom."
"Not right now," I had to say. What a party pooper I am or as my friend, Nancy would say, "a fun-sucker".
Did that slow down my genius? No. His ADHD mind was already off and running. As soon as we got home, he grabbed the lid to a styrofoam cooler and the sprinkler attachment. He put the cooler lid in the pool and set the sprinkler on top of it and attached the garden hose. It's so obvious, isn't it. Why didn't you think of it? Sadly, the force of the water through the hose knocked the sprinkler off the lid and into the pool. Okay, a consequence. A slow down to the plan. A mere interruption.
Scrap the cooler lid. Just set the sprinkler on the edge of the pool and adjust it so it rains on the pool surface (cleverly not wasting water on the deck). This is the pool fountain.
Isn't ADHD great fun? So clever. I mean, whodathunkit?
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