The Cheerleader

There is a girl on a JV squad I know that has ADHD. Her older sister told me one day. Frankly, I wasn't surprised. This nice young girl turned to me at a game one night and said, "I'm not going to be able to sit here for two hours."

This I completely understood. So I gave her something to do for a quarter and also sent her on "errands" for drinks for me at the concession stand.

The thing is, cheerleading is great for her. She has so much energy. Now, she does have a harder time learning the cheers. That's concentration, and frankly, the coach should give her some more one on one, but he's not a teacher, and doesn't know or understand about ADHD.

But her spirit is head and shoulders above the rest of her team mates. Not over the top, just right if you ask me. She's not too loud, but she participates and stays busy cheering the team on.

Sometimes her form leaves something to be desired, but it's the ADHD more than anything else. Just excitement getting the cheer out and all that stuff going on around her.

I told her she was my favorite. And she is. She has spunk! I don't know how she does in school, but she has to do well enough to maintain a C average or she can't cheer. I think that cheerleading is going to do great things for her confidence, which I noticed at the start of the year could use a little help.

Her older sister kind of rides her, too. Instead of realizing it is the adhd making her bounce around, she chastises her for not sitting still like her twin. Kind of a bummer only because I know this road so well with Matt. But I plan on being her cheerleader. Keep her going and make sure she knows she is doing a great job and frankly out-cheerleading the rest of her squad.

College

Dear Matt has decided he might want to go to college. Frankly, so long as he has a job and can support himself, I don't care if he goes to college or not. BUT if he does go to college, of course I want him to succeed.

The best thing is that colleges offer many resources for the ADHD kid. Note takers, tutors, you name it.

The only thing is Matt's grades...but he has assured me he is doing well in school. He is continually telling me he is working his hardest. I'm not doubting, I just need to see his interims to see how hard I need to work on those college applications.

We really feel it would be best for Matt to start at a junior college. He needs some maturity before he hits a four year university. I'd like to see him at the junior college for at least a year where they offer alot of help. I think if he had that confidence under his belt, he would be alot better off when he went to a 4 year university.

Interims come out shortly. Then we'll go from there!

Wireless Phone Store

Ever been to the wireless phone store with your adhd kid? I have. Today. Did you know those sample phones they have on tethered lines all over the store are live? I do now. Matt called my lovely husband only lovely husband didn't answer. Then he called the cell phone number back. Lucky Matt was still playing with the phone so he was able to answer it!

And then they have the customer service computer by the door. It has a touch screen. What does that mean if you have adhd? That means you have to check it out. Press the buttons on the screen.

I'm trying to get my new phone and prevent Matt from ordering or signing up for something that we don't want/need/shouldn't be billed for.

Too much excitement in there for him. By the time I was done, I had such a headache trying to keep my eye on him and pay attention to the phone girl trying to help me so I could make sure I got only what I wanted.

How do you present yourself?

I just wonder how you present yourself when you are picking up your child from school, or when they arrive home from the bus, or when you hit the door after a long day fo work?

I read an article once about that. It really hit home. I make a special point of smiling. It's important to greet them with a smile. You know why? Because you will get one back. It also sets the tone for the afternoon or evening, don't you think?

Imagine how you would feel if you were greeted by a grunt or someone started in nagging you as soon as you hit the door or got in the car. It's much better and makes your child feel good if you greet them with a smile. After all, they haven't seen you all day!

Yesterday, my car pool was dropping off my son, and I saw them pull up. I made a point of opening the front door and putting on a big smile and a frantic wave of hello. In spite of his teen self, he had to smile and give me a big cheese. I even said, "Let me give you a big hug. I haven't seen you all day."

Guess what? He said ok. Now, that is something if you ask me.

Give it a try. You will be amazed. They feel better, and you feel better. I love how Matt's smile makes me feel. It warms me up all over. My child is smiling at me!

Starvin' Marvin'

Write what you know. I know Starvin' Marvin'. He lives with me. Some people complain that Concerta (time released Ritalin), inhibits appetite. They obviously have not met my teenage son. I did not this phenomenon early on before he hit his growth spurts. We knew that Matt would nibble breakfast and lunch and go wild at dinner. His meds had worn off by then.

Enter the growing teenage boy. I do not see an appetite supressant. Matt is hungry 24/7. I can't keep food in the house. He is constantly eating. He does burn it all off, but he just has a great metabolism because trust me, he's eating junk!

This kid was a picky eater, but since he has hit those growing teen years, he has tried more food than he ever has his whole life. He eats more of his dinner than he ever has. He is a chow hound.

I think it all evens out in the end. We always worry as mothers that our children aren't eating enough or getting the right nutrients. They do go through eating stages as the are growing. Matt has always eaten when he is in a growth spurt.

I wouldn't worry about whether your child eats or doesn't eat because they will eat when they are hungry. So long as the doctor doesn't feel they are underweight due to their meds, let them eat when nature tells them to. YOu don't want them to get food hang-ups like our parents gave us. People have enough weight problems. Let them learn to eat when they are really hungry and stop when they are full.

Stop the insanity!

Some days just make me want to pull my hair out. I say this with a mother's love. If your child has ADHD, I know you understand. You love them to death. You love their energy, their view on the world, their differences, but honestly, some days, you feel like lighting yourself on fire.

Let's talk about this morning. I am NOT a morning person at all. That being said, my dear husband makes my coffee every morning to assist me in waking up and being semi-coherent and friendly. My children learned long ago that they need to fix their own breakfast. It just isn't happening folks!

Anyway, I digress. It's time to go and Matt has spent his morning finding his school supplies to go in his brand new backpack. Now, he wasn't interested in a new back pack before school started. He thought he might find his old one. I believe we got rid of it. Also, school had not started, therefore, any thought on school was disgusting. We bought his new backpack Sunday. He had all day to search for the stuff his teachers wanted. Did he do it? NO! What was more important? Video games, race on tv...anything but that stinkin' backpack.

This morning he asks me where the paper is. On the way out the door, none of his items are in his backpack. They are in a stack, which he is holding under his arm, on top of his backpack. I guess the time to put it all in is in the five minute ride to school? Of course, doing all this arranging this morning, made him forget his id. Which I happened to notice on the way out the door. "Matt, do you have your id?"

"No."

So now he needs to go back in when we are supposed to be leaving. I have to wait because I have the door key.

Aggravation number two. My ipod is not charged. The little skunk likes to listen to it. However, it wasn't plugged in to maintain the battery power. He let the battery run out. Sometimes he listens to it before he falls asleep. I'm on my way to the gym, and I'm facing running with no music. I'm sorry, but that is boring. I feel like if you use my stuff, at least leave it the way it was when you got it...i.e. charged.

In addition, he is ruining my headphones because he has wrapped the cord so tight around the ipod, it is pulling the wiring out. As well as, he doesn't put the ipod back in my running case. He just takes it out and sets the case wherever so I end up running around having to find it. I like to wear my ipod on my arm when I run. My mini had a clip and I wore it on my shorts, but the nano doesn't so I got a little neoprene running band to put on my arm.

If I have a bad workout, I'm mad. I can't help it, so finding the ipod out of power just doesn't bode well for the morning for me since I am not a morning person in the first place.

However, I regrouped, and decided not to bitch him out all the way to school since I don't want to send him in on the wrong foot with his ODD out and end up in trouble.

Ah, so much to manage in the morning. Why he can't do this crap the day before, even when I ask 100 times, I will NEVER figure out, but it makes total sense in his ADHD teen mind.

Let's talk about driving. Matt hasn't driven since our last driving incident, except for a brief stint to the Pig. I let him drive home from Kohl's yesterday on some back roads as I felt it would give him alot of different experience without all the traffic that goes along our main roads.

He was fine, until he took a corner too wide and too fast. I corrected him, and it went downhill from there. He is driving me nuts. This time in his anger, he decided to drive right down the middle of the road. Yes, people. Right down the middle. Lucky there was no oncoming traffic and it was a neighborhood road, but a divided road, nonetheless. I laid into him when we got home, which made him mad and yell at me. Lou came running, and I got mad and had to go for a walk. I was so mad at Matt, I could hardly breathe. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

He doesn't want to listen. I know it is his ODD when he gets corrected, but the rule is you listen to the parent or you don't drive.

He wants to be better than his sister. The rule is you drive and progress at your pace and not at the pace of the other sibling.

He wants Caitee to have the radio off, too. Caitee doesn't need the radio off. That rule is for the ADHD driver.

He wants me not to think of him in the context of ADHD. So I asked him if he only had one arm, would I think of him as a two arm driver? That he understood apparently.

Sometimes I need off this wild ride. Just for a moment. But then I give him a hug and kiss and tell him I love him dearly. He let me, too. I get his sweet smile, and I still want off the wild ride, but it makes it bearable, doesn't it!

Behind The Wheel

It's interesting to teach the ADHD child to drive. Completely different than teaching my other child. Nerves seem to aggravate the inattentiveness instead of heightening awareness. So much going on behind the wheel that stops signs or stop lights are overlooked or misread. Blinker, no blinker is just more activity on top of starting the car, whether it's really on, putting the car in gear, deciding to go backward and forward, where is left and right.

One this is for sure, I had to look online for some advice. Found out several good things I plan to implement over the next several months. No radio in the car. Period while the ADHD kid is driving. It's a distraction. Yes, they can sit in class and do something else or sit in the house and play a video game and completely hear and absorb all that is going on around them, but not while driving. One activity, which is really all encompassing. It is definitely no radio or CD. Remove the temptation to fiddle with it.

Next, of course, no cell phone, but the best advice I read: put the ADHD kid's cell phone in the trunk of the car. That way, they have the phone for safety, but they cannot try to answer it if it rings or make a call becuase it suddenly pops into their head.

Also, before being permited to drive, the ADHD kid must be able to drive with the parent(s) and not make any errors for a period of 21 days. If they are driving, and fail to say, do the turn signal, or have to be reminded to stop at the stop sign, the 21 days start over.

And last but not least, when licensed, no guests in the car. Guests are distracting, aren't they.

The thing is, each child has to be considered as an individual behind the wheel. The ADHD child has to progress at their own pace. A safe pace where the parent and child are confident that they are learning and using the rules of the road for their own safety and the safety of others on the road.

We had a blowout the other day. It was a minor one in the ADHD world. Matt started the car, and then couldn't remember if it was started and turned the starter again. Can't do that. Not unsafe, but bad for the car. Then he put the car in D, instead of R as we were backing out of a parking space. He was irritated and not listening to my directions. I was becoming more aggitated because he wasn't listening and he was driving down a major road where we live. It was concerning me ALOT. I finally asked him to pull into a neighborhood and just drive around where he was familiar until he got his nerves under control. I thought it would help. He refused to pull over; he refused to turn into the neighborhood. I was pissed.

One rule is firm when he is learning to drive, the licensed driving rules the roost. He took a corner too wide and almost hit a pick up truck. That was the last straw. I finally got him to pull over, but not before he got mad and slammed his foot on the gas. I took his driving priviledges for the rest of the day. PERIOD.

Major infractions...not listening, not pulling over and worst of all, getting angry and jamming his foot on the gas. Yes, he took it right off. I do think he realized he had done something really bad. Luckily we were on an empty street in the middle of the day with no people or traffic so it wasn't a safety emergency at that exact moment.

It's hard for me to share these stories, but I know others of you out there are having these same challenges.

Driving is a big deal. I will definitely have links to share with good advice for all to read.

The Napkin

Matt has been kind of a video junky lately, although he has been helping me in the yard alot, too. I've been rather proud of how hard he has worked to help me get things done outside!
However, today, he didn't do that. He videoed all day. Not good. Where does all that pent up energy go? And then take that pent up energy out to dinner, add in the stimulus of his best friend, Danny, and his sister's birthday, and you have utter mayhem.
I really am used to it, but I'm sure the people around us wondered why Cowboy Bob was at our table. Matt ordered an appetizer and his adhd came out. He decided to put his napking around his neck like a cowboy. Naturally, I didn't catch it right away. Oh well, at least his shirt was clean!
Of course, last night we had a little restaurant ADHD again. Straw, cup, sugar packets. Empty the sugar packet, twist it up and chew it. Wind it up really tight and make it fit in the straw. Not for any particular reason except that your brain is just working on overload, and it seems like a good idea.
So does taking a few extra sugar packets for at home. Which, I said no to. And lo and behold, what shows up at dinner tonight? Matt pulls a packet out of his pocket and says, "Look Mom! I have my own sugar."
You have to admit. He's entertaining. It's just trying to make sure as his mother that the manners are in there somewhere so that when they are needed, they pop out in spite of Matt. Actually, I must be nice. I've been told many times that he has good manners. He just doesn't want me to know!

Creating my own Zig Zag Stitch

I found a tutorial on the web, but I don't know if it was in PSE. It was confusing a bit. I couldn't get the straight stitch to work. I got the zig zag figured out. I need to spend more time on the brushes. I think there is alot to learn in that category. This stitch is actually a brush I made. It is very subtle. I think I need to make it darker...next time! LOL!

I also added a "corner folding" plug in. I found the plug in at a website, and Scrapstreet provided the tutorial for PSE on how to add plug ins. Will have to mess with that more later!

There are so many tutorials out there. It's hard to fit them all in. Right now I'm just trying to learn something new with each lo. Although, I do have a few plug in lo's that I can do on the side if I just get too worn out from trying to figure out a new technique!!!

My favorite technique so far is the drop shadow. I know I haven't even scratched the surface yet of what this program can do. That's what amazes me!

Scrapstreet has a great tutorial by Christa this month on brushes, too. I need to check that one out. I read it, and it was really explained well. Maybe tonight when I am watching tv!

Church And the ADHD Kid

Church can be a challenge depending on your environment (the service) and your outlook. I never understood growing up when my Dad would say to me, "Can't I just have one hour of peace to give thanks to God?"
One hour of peace? What does that mean? How is he getting peace in here? Why does he need peace? You need peace to thank God?
Of course, as an adult, I completely understand. Some weeks that hour in church with God is the only peace you get all week! And if that is the case, I definitely want to spend time in thanks for that hour!
Now throw an ADHD kid in the mix. How peaceful is that going to be? It depends on your outlook.
If you are regimented and want him to sit and be perfect, you are in one for one miserable church experience. It's not going to happen. All kids fidget in church. Your ADHD kid is going to fidget at the very least.
I grew up Catholic. That has to be the absolute most boring hour in a kid's life every Sunday. I tried to put my ADHD kid in that environment. Hard pew. Repetetive service. Boring priest (most of the ones we had). Funeral durges for music, at least that's how it sounded to me.
Being an alter boy was a good thing for Matt. It gave him something to do. His robes, when they were long enough could hide some of that fidgeting. The priest would direct them on the alter, and it gave him something to do.
However, after a blow-out with the Catholic school and the principal, I left the Catholic Church. That is a whole other story, but I can't see Jesus supporting pedophelia, currently making headlines across the nation. My son was not molested. LEt me make that very clear. He was treated unkindly because of his ADHD in the school. It's supposed to be a Christian environment, yet they wanted him out because he wasn't meeting their definition of perfection. It was affecting their test scores. The priest supported this, which in my mind is completely nuts. Even worse for the priest who should be a Christian example to the parrish to act in such a non-Christian manner. It's a long story, let's just leave it at that.
Wow, how my spiritual life has changed and that of my children. We went to a non-denominational Christian church. Rock band. Contemporary Christian music. Non-liturgical services. Preaching on the bible. Bible believing. Fundamental.
Anyway, ADHD kid can listen to the great music. ADHD kid get variety at service and appreciates it. ADHD kid woke up and is listening because the preacher is actually saying something.
Now, Matt is not always perfect. He likes to go to the bathroom during the service. It's kind of rude and the preacher gets a little upset if people walk out when he is teaching, but Matt does have ADHD. Even if I make him use the bathroom before he leaves home, he still tries to go at church. Sometimes I let him. Sometimes not.
I do let him draw. I give him the weekly newsletter and a pen. He goes to town. He behaves. I have my hour of peace to give thanks. I feel so much better, Matt isn't getting yelled at after church for misbehaving. A simple thing like paper and pen!
He'll read the bible during the service.
He is old enough where I do expect him to sit up. And no talking. Although, that is hard with his impulsivity. I do let him make comments or ask questions, but I make sure he is whispering. He has to keep his cell phone off during the service. I think he'll live.
He's also been going to a youth group with his best friend. They play softball. The youth leader is very relaxed, and they have fun.
The Catholic youth group doesn't seem very fun from what I hear. Too many rules and expectations. Catholic behavior.
Why didn't I leave earlier? Matt would have really had a great church experience!
Imagine Christmas eve service in the Catholic Church where we were. It was supposed to be the kids' service. It was packed to the gills and the priest would get excited to have such a big audience. He would go on and on and on during his homily about this and that. These kids are trying to behave because Santa is coming, and they know he is watching. But it's hard. It's boring. It's crowded. It's hot. They're hungry. Overstimulated. And on and on goes the priest. For an hour and a half the whole mass lasts.
Now, to our current church. Fabulous entertainment by the singers. Kind of like a show. Some preaching with humor. Candles passed out and lit by everyone. Communion passed out and shared. Lots going on. Lots of stimulation, but it's all involving the congregation. Matt can last. The other kids can last. Know why? Because the pastor knows they are excited. The musical director knows they are excited. They celebrate THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, but that hour or hour and a half passes by so quickly.
What I'm trying to say I guess is that if you are miserable, don't leave church. Find another one. You need that spritual guidance and divine love, especially if your child has ADHD! Let them draw. Let them eat cheerios and have a juice box when they are young. Although, the church we go to now does have a childrens' church for the elementary age kids that better meets their needs. Bring some books. Let them read. Crayons. Coloring books. The seed is being planted my fellow Christians. The ADHD child can hear everything that is going on. It is being absorbed. Even if they are doodling or eating or drinking, they are not missing a thing that is going on around them.
Why be miserable? Life is too short. Everyone can be happy at church. Let some of your rules go and accomodate the ADHD. You will all benefit!

Report Cards & Grades

This can be a tough area. Parents have different standards and expectations. They have goals for their children. But we all want the same thing: a diploma at the end of 12th grade.

Resource is important for your child. That's what they call it here, anyway. Some places may call it Study Skills. Whatever it's called, it's legally available to your child by federal law once they are diagnosed by the school system as ADHD.

A tale of two friends: one child took Resource and one child did not. The child that did not take Resource did not take it because he was "embarrassed". He failed his freshman year. The other child who took Resource, passed. That would be Matt! And it was a valuable life lesson. It was on of his "crew", and I took advantage of his bud, and said, "See what a difference Resource makes."

My bright young man was smart enough to realize, even as a teenager with all that attitude going on, that Resource was one tool in his arsenal that got him through the school year. He definitely doesn't want to do summer school or repeat a grade. Once is plenty for Matt!

Matt and I did have a conversation about some kids this past year who were making fun of him for being in Resource. I looked at him and said, "Matt, are those kids passing? How many of them are repeating this year? How many of them will be in summer school or back in the same grade? Whose stupid now?"

Yes, it is hard to be "different" during those teenage years. Anything that makes them different is bad and one of the reasons you see them all look the same. But kids also see it doesn't bother Matt one bit to go to Resource, plus a little ass whooping he laid on a kid in 7th grade, and they know to only go so far. (I'm not proud of the fight, but people don't bother you if they know you aren't going to take their crap. That is a whole other story. At least he didn't start it!)

Matt is very personable, and more often than not, his teachers end up liking him. He is very quiet in class, for the most part, and doesn't cause any trouble, for the most part.

Anyway, report cards and grades. You must use what is available to your child and what you can get them to take advantage of. Matt will go to Resource, but he draws the line at a tutor. Tutor= stupid to him. Fair enough. The big thing is Resource. Remember to choose your battles. Which one of the two would give him the biggest advantage?

Yes, I could push. I could be really horsey about it. But, ODD can rear it's ugly head, and then I'm paying a tutor to teach a kid with an attitude who isn't receptive and might show his ADHD temper. It's too prickly. I've had that experience already.

In 5th or 6th grade, I had to get Matt a math tutor. She was a very nice woman, SAHM with a 2 year old at home. Teacher on a break raising her children. Familiar with ADHD, lucky for me. One day, Matt decided he wasn't going to do anything. He was mad for some reason. I don't remember anymore. I just remember he was escalating and I was starting to feel very prickly all over. I didn't know how this lady was going to react and handle him, what her tolerance level was, and how I was going to get him out of there successfully.

Being familiar with ADHD kids, she used all her smarts to get him to calm down and finally to do some work. You just never know, and you don't want to end up with a situation that ends up out of your control i.e. police.

Anyway, kids with ADHD often times are smarter than the average joe. It's just a matter of getting it all out. They can't always. I might be wrong, but my rule is nothing less than a C. I know my child. That is not unreasonable. PE must be an A (as he likes it and likes to play sports with his friends). Resource needs to be an A. Those are the "gimme" classes. Other than that, C's. Or he ends up with a reasonable punishment.

As he is entering his driving years...no license until he has all C's or above. They do need goals to motivate them, but they must be attainable or what's the point. Also, if you take everything away, then what's left is NOTHING. A child who has nothing to lose just ends up figuring, "why not, I've got nothing else to lose."

You're not letting them be the boss. You must do your job as a parent, but if the child doesn't see an end in sight or has lost all hope, your punishment is not going to help them reach your goal.

So as you look at grades and report cards, it is important to remember your child is an individual. They are not you either. Be realistic about the expectations you have. Let them know why you have those expectations. Remind them they are smart and can do it. Help them take advantage of what is out there to get them to feel good about school.

After all, do you want them to live at home FOREVER???

Father's Day-The Toothbrush Incident

Oh yes, Happy Father's Day. Special day planned for dad to relax. He works so hard for all of us. Matt spent the night at his friend's house so we had to pick him up on the way to the beach for the day. He promised me he would set his alarm on his phone and be ready.

I should have been smarter! When has his alarm every awaken him? NEVER! But, dad called a few times on the way over to his friend's house, and we got him up. He came out, and we gave him his morning meds. Off we go for a fun day, right?

NO! "Did you bring my toothbrush?"

No, unfortunately we did not. Now I know that is kinda gross, and he is a very clean kid! But we had gum. It's not like we left him hanging, plus we are trying to teach him to organize...an ongoing battle with ADHD!

Okay, now he hyperfocuses. He doesn't have a toothbrush. His teeth or icky. "Can't you go by the house and get my toothbrush?"

"No, we cannot. You chose to stay over here. It's on the other side of town and not on the way to the beach."

Unyielding, me! My weakness. Ok. So don't say anything about it. We butt heads all the time. It makes dad crazy.

"Can't we stop somewhere?"

"No, we are not stopping. We have everything we need with us. We planned ahead."

"Stop," states dad.

It is after all, Father's Day, and he doesn't want to have it ruined by arguements. Right? Right.

Matt thinks a minute. You know. That ADHD brain is always working. Plus he's on a mission. Bump everybody else. He has a problem. "I gotta go to the bathroom."

Yeah, that doesn't work at church, either. "There's nowhere to stop."

Not mean. True.

Dad has to speak up and remind him it is Father's Day, and he doesn't want it ruined.

We did stop. Finally, a place. "Good. Now I can buy a toothbrush."

"Do you have any money?"

"No. I'll think of something," he says ever so smartly.

Dad goes in with him. He must have chatted with him, and bought some other gum that pleased him, because he dropped the whole thing.

I have to ask the money thing. We are trying to get him to get a job.

Happy in his victory he manages the rest of the ride to the beach.

Lucky for us, he has reached some maturity level and can entertain himself at the ocean. We hardly saw him all day, except for food breaks and drink breaks.

I got alot of great photos to record the day, which is always important to me. He even hugged me and said it was fun.

He is growing. It might take some time, but eventually we will get there. The benchmark is where we started, and we are certainly lightyears from there!

Time For Bed

Got a call last night from Matt at 1:37am. He was at his friends house. He was going to bed, and he called his Dad on the cell to say, "I love you."

Poor Mom. I'm the enforcer. Dad says he knew better than to call me because I would have said, "Why are you calling so late."

My heart fell a little, but it is so positive that Matt and his dad have a great, healthy father-son relationship.

It is so ADHD to call at 1:37am. Matt is impulsive. So his mind says that he's going to bed, and he always says good night. No consequences at all. Just dial and say goodnight. No thought of what time it is. His purpose is to say goodnight. That's it.

That's why even at this age, he still runs down the hall at least twice, bangs into the bedroom door, which flies open, and he says, "Just wanted to say goodnight. Can I have a hug?" and jumps in bed on top of me or inbetween us and wiggles over.

Getting your ADHD child to bed can be a real trial for parents. If you are smart, you will make some concessions that will help him and you. Otherwise, you are in for a long, hard, sleepless on your part, battle.

It can take up to two hours for the ADHD kid to settle down and actually fall asleep. Medicated or not. So don't always blame the meds. They are not the root of all evil.

Imagine your mind on those days where you have 100 things rolling around in there, and you can't fall asleep. Well, it's like that for them every night! Try to quiet all that down when you can't help it. It's just how it is for you every day, all day and at night.

We found that our counselor and other parents had lots of great ideas and that this was a typical problem. It's time for bed, and two hours later they are still coming down the hall or coming downstairs to tell you something or get something or ask something or find something.

This can be very frustrating. You need your quiet time at night to wind down after dealing with you very busy and demanding child all day, plus you have other children to take care of. They have a bedtime routine, too, and it doesn't help if they see the other one hopping out of bed every five minutes with something to check on, ask about or get.

Full tummy from dinner and a nice, warm relaxing bath. That's our routine. It is important like everyone that there is a routine that is followed. ADHD needs routine. Our bodies need that evening routine to cue us that we are shutting down and going to sleep for all that magical chemical stuff that happens to start. That is one of the things doctors tell patients that are having sleep issues to do: get a night time routine.

Depending on their age, of course, there may be stories and hugs and talking. Whatever you do each night to get them to go to bed. I used to sing to mine, too. They liked that.

Anyway, one mother was telling us how her son played his stereo when he went to bed. Of course, not loud enough for everyone to hear. What you have to consider is, in order to wind down yourself and your child, how do you keep them in their room?

We would tell Matt he could read (yeah, right), listen to music, whatever, but he had to stay in his room. He still would pop out, but not as much. Another parent suggested a t.v., which I was always against a tv in a child's room, but this is not your every day child!

My cousin lets her kids watch videos as they fall asleep, and they don't have any disorders that I know of. I figured if it was alright for her kids, then I would try it. So my husband and I had the cable come out and put a jack in his room. He already had video games so Matt had a t.v.

If you have a battle with volume, consider headphones. That way you can't hear it. It helps. I know it seems crazy, but it works. Matt goes to bed and watches t.v. We won't let him play video games when he is trying to go to sleep for obvious reasons, but the t.v. works.

Allow yourself a two hour window. Don't get frustrated. Lay down some ground rules like you can do this and that, but don't come out of your room. Realize they will come out of their room, and allow for that. The whole idea is to get them to cut down on coming out of their room to help them wind down and you relax, too. So you measure success by them coming out less!

You also have to realize that you may go to bed while your child is still awake. It's ok, depending upon their age of course. Safety is always a primary consideration for anything we do as parents. The main thing is they are in their room and occupied. You can be in yours. If you are not comfortable, stay awake. You will see that with their set-up, they will go to bed basically around the same time each night. You will get a comfort level with that, and eventually be able to fall asleep.

As with anything I say on here, this is what applied to my situation. The idea is to quit yelling at the ADHD child and try to make a successful environment that is a win-win for everyone. It is not coddling them. It is making a positive situation that works for everyone.

What can I do that is fun?

"Mom, what can I do that is fun?" queried my ADHD kid.
Those words are loaded. Let me tell you!!!
Part of ADHD is excitement, stimulation, their mind is always seeking the next thing. Think how easily excited they are. Think Christmas. If your child is like mine, he is over the top. We have to peel him off the ceiling for this holiday. Putting up the tree is a major activity. But you can channel that excitment to your advantage. Like letting him set up the tree if you have an artificial one. Let him put the lights on and set up the train. We happen to have a ski slope on ours. That's good for at least 30-45 minutes of peace! LOL!
Once the tree is up, he's ready for lights outside. Lots of lights. He and Dad have a major project putting up the lights on the bushes. And every few days or so, Matt will rearrange them to better suit himself. That's fine. He's excited and that energy is channeled in a positive way!
Opening presents goes by way to fast for Matt. He's so stimulated by the colors, the lights, the mystery of what's under the tree, not just for himself, but for everyone. He's excited to give presents and receive. He loves it all. Stockings, presents. He's always so disappointed when it is over. He keeps telling everyone to slow down! Hard to imagine, but he wants the whole thing to last forever!
"What can I do that is fun," at age 6? How about tie my skateboard to my friend's bike and ride up and down the street. If we fall off, what's a little scrape on the knee of elbow. They go as fast as their little legs will take them, laughing the whole time. Cries of, "let's do it again!" when the ride is over and the road has run out.
"What can I do that is fun," at age 16. This comes from his friend, M, and should scare you. "Skitchin' ". Do you know what that is? It is hitching a ride on the back of a pick-up or car while on your skateboard. It is DANGEROUS and illegal, but M doesn't care. He has ADHD, too. Unsupervised. He has a chunk out of his shoulder the size of a half dollar. "Oh, that's nothing," M tells me. "You should see my ankle."
Obviously, I tell him he shouldn't be doing that, but he just laughs. Part of that is the confidence of the teenager that they are indestructable. The other part is that ADHD mind saying, "Are you kidding. This rocks!"
ADHD kids love video games. They are at their speed of thought. They stimulate and keep their brain occupied. Of course, you don't want them to be a video junkie and do have to monitor that.
You have to have plans for those down times. Over Christmas break, you have to have things lined up. Not constantly, but they need something to look forward to such as trips to the library (depending on their age and interest), a lunch out, a breakfast out, a picnic inside on a rainy day, movie rentals, movies (free ones if you can get that at your movie theatre), museums, art projects, cooking...the list goes on but you get the idea. Down time can be the enemy. You need to guide, especially when they are young and are learning to deal with their ADHD.
Matt likes lots of activity. The only thing Ihave ever found that wears this kid out is the beach. When we are there he is out when the sun is up to fish, swim, boogey board, hike, explore, and he goes, even at this age, until he passes out at night.
He likes to swim with his friends at home, play basketball, football and baseball in the front yard. He wants to be on the move.
Naturally, all this activity is healthy so I'm all for it. It also channels all that energy. One of the best things he's been doing lately is playing church softball. Games and practice twice a week that he totally looks forward to. He also has enjoyed the church youth group. I'm confident that the youth pastor is gifted, plus they feed them before their lesson. Matt is definitely about food, especially when it involves fried chicken and seconds!
What I'm trying to say in a round about way is have a few tricks up your sleeve, mom. They can be inexpensive like playdough (home made recipes are all over the web) to movies. It's up to you, but have a back-up plan for those down times so that you don't go nuts and get frustrated and neither does he! It keeps the family at peace. It's worth the effort!

The Right Doctor

There is so much to chat about with ADHD. I'm sure I'm never going to run out of topics. I've learned so much over the past several years through reading, research and living with my ADHD kid!

An essential tool in the arsenal of ADHD is the doctor, but you have to do your part with him as well. I'm sure you are noticing a common theme here: how much you have to do. That's the thing there, mom, you are the key to getting all these pieces coordinated and keeping it all together.

If you have friends whose children have ADHD, you will know right away who to go see. At least if you talk to them! There may be more than two doctors in my town that are pro-ADHD, but I do know of two exactly at the moment. Mostly because everyone goes to this one pediatricians' office or my family doctor.

What is a pro-ADHD doctor? One that listens to you and works with you. I'm sure there is a doctor or two in your town that is known for being good with ADHD. That's who you need to go see. Don't waste time experimenting unless that office is not on your insurance. Save yourself the time, money, and agony.

The right doctor knows that ADHD really exists. I'll talk more about that later as I've got some great stories on that topic. However, you have to bring your facts with you when you come, and make sure that he knows you are doing your part with home, school and counseling.

One of my favorite questions is: Is your child more active than other children? How would I know? When he plays with his friends, they are as active as him. He's always been that way so I wouldn't know any different. I just find this to be a poor question since we, the parent, have been dealing with the activity for HOW LONG!!! Anyway, this only applies if your kid is diagnosed with the hyperactivity part, which mine is!

Frankly, activity is but a piece of the puzzle. They can hyperfocus, too. Try and pull them away from a video game, which is ADHD heaven. So much going on at a pace their brain can keep up with and enjoy. Not like the rest of the time when they are twenty thoughts ahead of the rest of the world. So can your child sit still? Yes, if they are hyperfocused.

Back to the topic at hand. The doctor is the one who prescribes the medication that is a piece of the puzzle to successfully managing ADHD. Medication is not the whole answer. You absolutely need behavior modification and family counseling along with it, plus the school's buy in.

If not, your equilateral triangle is unbalanced. I've mentioned that before. Everyone has to do their part to keep everything moving forward.

Medication is not an exact science. Your doctor needs to be a good listener. You need to give him the right facts. Leave the emotion at home.

For example, Matt started out on Ritalin. I started getting notes home that before lunch he was having some problems in class. After lunch, he would be fine. He was taking the Ritalin 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. What was happening was that the Ritalin was wearing off right before lunch. Then he would go to the nurse for his med and have lunch, after which he would be fine for the rest of the day. Until he got home with me and then I would see a window of change before dinner time.

With this information, the doctor was able to see that Matt was having peaks and troughs with the Ritalin. It should have been seemless, but he was metabolizing it in such a way, that we could see him come off. You're not supposed to. We changed Matt to Concerta, a time released Ritalin, and BINGO, his problem was solved! For the time being.

Children grow. That's one reason you have to be ever vigilant. You, the teachers, the counselor, everyone has to notice the changes. When they grow, their dosage isn't right anymore, and it has to be changed. You need to be able to go to the doctor and say, "I notice that he is blah blah blah...(insert behavior you notice here)."

Most often you will notice, and the teacher(s) will notice, and that will be your cue! Or as your child gets older, he may say, "I'm having more trouble paying attention."

Matt was able to tell me that this year. Very helpful. They learn things, too, as they go along.

Medication is not an exact science. I will leave that topic for another day. Let it suffice to say that it is part of the keys to success in your child's life. The doctor is the only one that prescribe that medication, and he has to be on your side, part of your team. If not, you are wasting your time. Get someone new!

A practical lesson in ODD management

ODD reared it's ugly head at our house yesterday. Now, mind you it's mixed these days with the temperament of a 16 year old boy/man.

Trying to get Matt to get a job. He wants a job. He just doesn't want us to tell him to get a job. But if we don't ride his butt, he doesn't fill out any applications. He flat out said, "I'm not going to do anything because you want me to." That is ODD in a nutshell. Also, teenage boy.

Mind you, Matt's ODD has been tempered with years of behavioral modification/anger management and maturity. It's a process not an immediate fix. Yesterday could have been all out blow out, but he just ignored me and said, "Quit yelling at me."

Now, I do know from living with him that yelling frustrates him. I don't want him frustrated. So that is my queue to back off. Part of anger management. It has to come from both directions. That means I need to regroup and try a different tactic. So you see, it's not always HIM. Sometimes it is me, too.

At 16, he thinks he knows everything. Of course, what teenager doesn't. That isn't ADHD or ADD. But how you get him to do what is right is all about managing the ADHD and ODD and about letting him become a man, too, and make some decisions and mistakes.

ODD management is about picking your battles. Letting the small things go and saving for the things that really matter. For example, his application has to be filled out correctly. So the pencil one has to be thrown out and he has to re-do it all in pen. Re-do is HELL for ADHD because they thought it was already done. I saved my battle for the application because remember there are two parts to a job. The dress and the application.

Yes, he had jeans on, but he had a belt on and his Sperry's. And in what I thought was an innovative move, a Gamecock t-shirt. He was applying at a sports bar. That made me compliment him on his original thinking to wear a team t-shirt to apply at a sports bar. He smiled. It made him feel good.

Maybe we fought about the application to get it right, but he got to dress himself and got a compliment out of it for ingenuity. That made it alright. He was self-satisfied. I was satisfied. ODD put to bed, and he got some confidence.

More Humor and ODD, too

Along with the frustration, there is alot of humor. You just need to keep your eyes open for those times and enjoy the moments.

Let's talk about ODD first and then have a good laugh over a couple things Matt did over the weekend!

Often times with ADHD children will have a co-existing condition. Some children have ADHD and are bi-polar. Boy is that tough. Let me tell you, I know a few mother's whose children have this, and it is very hard to keep all that under control. As luck would have it, the most often co-existing condition is ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There are many websites out there that discuss this topic, and if your child has ADHD, you definitely need to read up on it. You definitely need to deal with it, too.

It's manageable. Don't freak. You'll see. I just mention it because I know you will experience it. I did, and still do with Matt, but not as much. You see, he's come a long way from the early days of his diagnosis. But push the right buttons and his ODD rears it's ugly head.

Just a general chat for now. I'll add a few links, too, for you to check out, and we can discuss it more in detail as we go on!

On to the humorous part of our day! Oh the laugh I had over this one. As we were getting ready for a wedding, to which Matt had no interest in attending because he is a teenage boy, he tried to wear his tennis shoes (among other things like shorts and a t-shirt). I told him in no uncertain terms to go get his Sperry's because he wasn't wearing tennis shoes to any wedding with us. He came into my room and proceeded to reach between the mattress and the box spring where his shoes were stored...

As we were driving the two hours it took to get to the wedding, I said to my husband, "I know he stuck his shoes in there to hide them so he wouldn't have to wear them."

To which Matt replied, "No. That's not it at all. I put glove softener on them."

He is playing softball for a church league, and we had to buy a glove for him. A new glove needs to be softened with leather conditioner and folded in half and stuck between the m attress to get its shape right. Naturally, it follows in the ADHD mind that if leather softener works for your glove, it will work for your Sperry's and make them more comfortable.

I'm still laughing over that one!

Now, as luck would have it, when he pulled his shoes out of the mattress, they had a hole on each end. I looked at my husband and said, "They have holes in them. He is not wearing shoes to a wedding with holes in them."

I'm sucha mother, aren't I? Anyway, my husband said that they weren't holes it looked like marker or dirt. I said, "No, those are holes."

Sure enough, upon close examination of the Sperry's, there were holes. I have no idea about how they got there, but in any case, they were unwearable as far as I was concerned.

Much to our dismay, we had to make a stop on the way to the wedding to purchase new shoes with about a 10-15 minute window to grab and go. We did it! And Matt ended up looking nice and handsome. My children received many compliments, and so I was very pleased!

On they way home, Matt pipes up from the back of the car, "I'm keeping these shoes."

I look at my husband quizzically and say, "Does he really think he can return them now?"

That's not ADHD, that's teen. But, honestly, he's worn them all day and the weather was a torrential downpour so they got wet...return them to the store? Oh, that kid just really cracks me up!

The Wedding Crasher

Not really. But ADHD kid is going to a wedding with us today. First, he did everything he could to get out of it. Tried the very clever, "But I have something at church tomorrow." Would have worked, too, except that he can't lie. He always starts to smile.

"Can't I stay with..."

"Are you sure I have to go..."

"What about..."

"Wish I could bring a PSP." Oh, that would be nice. Wouldn't it? Not that anyone is paying attention to my kid, but on the off chance we sit near a relative of the happy couple, I don't want to ruin their day by distractions. Even though you can turn the sound off, you can still hear the clicking of buttons.

Suddenly a light went off and a smile came on his face. "I need to go charge the i-Pod."

"Son, you cannot wear an i-Pod at a wedding. It just isn't nice."

Yes, some of this is normal teen behavior. What teenage kid really wants to go to a wedding? I even tried bribing with all the food they will have at the reception to which he grumbled, "It will probably be all that fancy stuff."

Some of it is ADHD. Sitting for how long at the wedding? I'll make sure I have pen and paper in my purse. Then he can doodle. I'm sure there will be enough going on at the reception, and if not, I'll just take him out and about for a walk so at least dh can enjoy himself since it's his special friend pseudo-baby brother!

Take him to the wedding. He has to go. It's someone special, and he needs to learn about obligations. But since he has ADHD, go prepared so you aren't exasperated the whole time with unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior. It's a win-win for everyone!

The ADHD Mind

You have to have a sense of humor about ADHD. It can be very entertaining. Usually, the ADHD kid has above average intelligence. Their problem is just getting it out. I definitely want to use this blog to chat about the funny things Matt does, too. I just love his creativity! It's unfettered.

Last night, Matt was cooling off in the pool and he grabbed the skimmer net attached to the pole and pole vaulted into the pool. Now, in my 3 years of having a pool, I've never thought about doing that. Have you ever in your pool life? But Matt's mind just ticks away and sees things and uses them. Aside from the fact I had to say not to do that again as it might put a hole in the pool liner, I was laughing hysterically at his antics! What a clever guy!

Oh yes, and last week, my little comedian had another brainstorm. We had to go to the pool store where he saw fountains. "We need a fountain, Mom."
"Not right now," I had to say. What a party pooper I am or as my friend, Nancy would say, "a fun-sucker".

Did that slow down my genius? No. His ADHD mind was already off and running. As soon as we got home, he grabbed the lid to a styrofoam cooler and the sprinkler attachment. He put the cooler lid in the pool and set the sprinkler on top of it and attached the garden hose. It's so obvious, isn't it. Why didn't you think of it? Sadly, the force of the water through the hose knocked the sprinkler off the lid and into the pool. Okay, a consequence. A slow down to the plan. A mere interruption.

Scrap the cooler lid. Just set the sprinkler on the edge of the pool and adjust it so it rains on the pool surface (cleverly not wasting water on the deck). This is the pool fountain.

Isn't ADHD great fun? So clever. I mean, whodathunkit?

The Role of the Teacher in Diagnosis Process

Dear J! She keeps providing me fodder for my blog topics. She stopped by last night to bring some cream for my husband, who tried to slice his finger off with a utility knife the other day. JT, her son, is her suspected 2nd ADHD child. Actually, I believe she has one ADD and one ADHD. Like mine, her son appears to be the poster child for ADHD! Anyway, I use the term ADHD, but you fill in ADD if it fits your situation, unless of course we are talking about the hyperactivity part, and then you can just skip over that.

A teacher is not permitted to diagnose ADHD. Of course not. They didn't go to medical school or get licensed as an LPC or psychologist. But, the teacher is on the front lines in the war zone at school with your child. They are in a position to notice behavioural or learning signs that indicate a disability. They are obligated to point out to you that your child is having issues in the classroom.

Let me digress here for a moment. In 2nd grade, my son was having some problems getting all his work done in school. His teacher was a girlie teacher, meaning, she favored the girls and loathed the boys. All the boys would get critical notes home all the time about their boyish activity or grades. The girls would get notes in their folders, but they were full of praise. Be aware, teachers, parents do talk. We figured this out pretty quick.

I noticed at home that my son was practically sitting on top of the television. A new development. This suggested to me that he needed his eyes examined. I took him to the eye doctor, and sure enough, my son needed glasses. Bingo, problem solved in class about getting his work done. In my opinion, I feel the teacher should have noticed he couldn't see the BOARD! However, she was too busy with her anti-boy feelings to have gone beyond and seen the obvious.

And let me say in support of this girlie teacher theory, she said to me one day, "I don't know how you handle having a boy. I could never do it." Mother of two girls.

Let me also say that I have several educators in my family. I consider all of them exemplary individuals. My dear cousin was teacher of the year at the school where she taught. She noticed things. She brought things up to parents. Yes, she was busy with all the paperwork the government has thrown on her on top of everything else, but she cared for the children. She loved her job.

Back to JT. List of 44 words to know for test. Knew 4. Busy boy in school. Active. At home, mother sees major signs of ADHD. She knows because of older ADD child, S. Teacher says that JT is fine. Mother knows the truth. PAPERWORK. MORE WORK. Child put through with no issues to next year. Mother discussing with current teacher who says they cannot diagnose problems. Of course, they can't diagnose. But their expert opinion as teachers can refer you to have your child tested for learning disabilities. If you choose not to do it, it's your own fault. It's free with the school district as I have mentioned before.

What I'm trying to say without bashing teachers because I love teachers is that some do not want to be involved. Some do not believe in ADHD. Some just don't want to deal with it. Some are just plain ignorant about it because it is NOT covered in their degree curriculum.

This amazes me. Statistically speaking, one child in every classroom has ADHD. One in every classroom. That means to me that on a daily basis, every teacher will be dealing with ADHD. If they teach multiple students such as in junior high or high school, then one student in every class they have will have ADHD. This to me says very loudly that it should be covered at the very least in a continuing education class. It should be covered with in-service training at the school. And for heaven's sake, it needs to be covered as part of the degree curriculum!

And so again, it comes down to you as the parent to be the advocate for your child. You must be involved with your child's education.

That means having the facts and being prepared. My personal favorite note on Matt's report cards is "needs to pay more attention in class." Hello. Did they not read his IEP (more on that another time). He has ADHD. Attention Defecit. He has problems paying attention in class. That one always chaps my hide!

You need to be supportive of the teacher(s) that your child has. I always tell them that I am more than willing to do my part at home in assisting them. They encounter so much apathy today. Teachers are thrilled to have an involved parent. If you do your part, then 9 times out of 10, the teacher will do theirs.

Yes, I have encountered the occasional teacher who doesn't want to do anything. One year, Matt had a teacher who refused to follow his IEP, a legally binding document. She felt it was giving him special advantage over the other children in the class. I did spend a few minutes pondering how having a learning disability gives you an advantage over other students in the class if you make accomodations to "normalize" their learning environment. I met with this teacher, and even offered to share my favorite book Teaching Teens with ADHD, check out my book recommendations. I gave her facts. I gave her support. Finally, I gave up and gave her head to the principal who almost had a stroke over what she had said in her e-mails. Why? Because of her refusal to acknowledge his IEP, she could have lost her teaching license. I was threatening to go to the district office and file a formal complaint with the state.

I'm not a bitch. I have my facts and the federal law behind me. Do your job, and I will do mine. If you don't do your job, then I will do what it takes to protect my child. If that means reporting you for refusing to follow his IEP, then so be it.

Sadly for her, she had to meet with the principal every day for the rest of the year and be counseled on special needs students and the requirements of the law. She was also harrassing my son outside the classroom in school, and she had to be chatted with about that.

Let me not leave a sour taste in your mouth about educators. She was the exception. The majority I have found, have been great! The 5th grade teacher he had, Mrs. S, was a dream come true. She became a teacher later in life and had an ADHD child herself. She followed his IEP to the letter and went above and beyond. I loved her.

His 6th grade main teacher was hand-picked (yes, you can do that regardless of what they tell you). She was gifted with the ADHD population. He had two other teachers that year. One had to be brought along, but she responded and turned out fine. The other had a problem acknowledging ADHD and kept complaining to me about ADHD attributes...doesn't pay attention, easily distracted, can't sit still, doodles...every time I talked with her, it was like talking to a wall. She just stared at me as if I was from Mars. Young girl. Saw Matt in church fidgeting. Told him that's what she expected from him. Really? You mean the hyperactivity and inattentiveness can come in to play in church? Oh my...lucky for me you can outlive the unresponsive ones. Remember, your child will pass and leave them behind for someone else to deal with. You only hope you planted the seed.

To summarize my ramblings: the teacher is your ally in the war in the classroom on ADHD. If you suspect something at home then, she must be an active participant, and you need to do your part to show her you are supportive. Praise her. Kill her with kindness. Be genuine. She will respond. (Yes, he may respond, too! I know there are male teachers. But I'm talking about my experiences, and they have all been shes.) Get the facts. Know the facts. Use the facts. Keep emotions out and present data. People can fight emotions. They can't fight data. Use the resources available to you at the school. Get your child tested. It has to be documented in order for you child to use those resources and move ahead.

The number one reason why do all this? For your child to be successful. I just told Matt the other day, that my whole goal was to get him through school with out failing a single grade, which is atypical of the ADHD kid. That would make him proud and give him something to stand out above the crowd. At least in my mind. He smiled at that. It made him happy.

The Right Counselor

Part of dealing with ADHD is getting the right people lined up to help you along your journey to success. Finding the right counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to assist with poor organizational skills, time management problems, forgettfulness, anger management, friends and self-esteem issues, to name a few of the known factors that afflict ADHD kids. Adults often have the same problems, but along the way, many have learned to compensate themselves for these. And I'm not writing about adults. I'm writing about my son!

There is an equilateral triangle that needs to be kept in balance in the treatment of ADHD. The doctor, the family, and the school/work are each of the sides. All of these need to work together as a team. If one part does not cooperate, the balance is shifted and an adjustment or change needs to be made. This is a team effort, people!

Back to the counselor. As luck would have it, I was talking to a friend of mine last night who happens to have a diagnosed child with ADHD and a suspected child. The suspected ADHD kid is getting to the age where he is really showing signs. She knows what to look for because she already has a daughter at home with it.

My friend, J, was telling me that she had taken the plunge to get her daughter, S, a counselor to assist in getting her daughter successful outcomes at school, home, and socially. I really could go on about each of these particular areas, but for right now, I'm going to focus on the counselor. All the rest will be covered in due time.

For the past several years, J and I have been talking about our issues with our ADHD kids. She's learned alot from me because I've had more experience. My son is older than her daughter so I've walked this walk a little longer! This is one reason she decided to find a counselor.

On their first visit, J asked about the "rebound affect". The psychologist she chose had no idea what she was talking about. She'd never heard of the fact that kids who come off their meds like Concerta and Ritalin, have about an hour where it's best not to take them to Walmart, go out to dinner, or start homework.

If your child suffers from ADHD, you know what I'm talking about. I really don't know about other medications because I've not had experience with them. So I'm going to discuss what I know. But if you feel this applies to your med situation, now you know exactly what it is.

It sounds worse than it is if youare not familiar with ADHD. I'm sure the anti-med community would jump all over this. I'm not discussing the benefits of medications today, however. I plan to chat about that another time.

During the rebound effect, if you are at Walmart, for example, you may experience a melt-down in the aisle. This situation is one you want to avoid, of course. The same would be true about starting homework or trying to keep them seated and behaved in a controlled environment like a restaurant.

Your whole goal is to help boost their self-esteem and lower your family stress level by doing what will give all of you a successful outcome. This by no means infers pandering to your child's every whim. It means not going to Walmart when their meds are wearing off.

They are taking their medication in order to calm their brain and rid it of all the noise that goes on. If the meds are wearing off, their attention ability is diminished and their agitation level is higher. All of us with ADHD kids know they can be easily excited. So here you are at Walmart with a cart full of groceries and your kid wants something in the frozen food aisle. You don't want to get it on this shopping trip, and so you say, "No."

If your child is medicated, he may buck you a bit as any normal child would do. You do have to remember to separate normal child/teen behaviour from ADHD behavior. But if your child is in the throws of "rebound", he will buck you by making a scene that involves argueing. As you know, the kid will escalate themselves. All you have to do is stand there and their temper takes off (hence, the need for anger management).

Now you have an aisle full of people looking at you and judging you as a bad parent because they have no idea your kid has ADHD. And even if they did, some folks just believe that is due to bad parenting anyway. You now have to call upon all that delicious counseling advice to de-escalate your child and exit the store before someone with free advice decides to intervene taking the situation to a whole other level.

I know you have this experience. It might not have been in Walmart. It occurred somewhere, and you know exactly what I am talking about. So my sincere advice is to learn to manage this time of day so that everyone is happy. It's great family management. It's great for the positive home life, and it helps with your child's self esteem.

Now you see why it is so important for J's phsychologist to know what the "rebound affect" is. How can she help with it, if hse hasn't heard of it, and what else hasn't she heard of?

The minute she said this to me, I said to her, "You need to see someone else."

J agreed. She's smart!

Keep looking for counselors, psychologists or psychiatrists until you find one that really knows what they are talking about and meshes well with your child. If you don't, what is the point?

Thanks J for chatting with me last night and giving me the subject of my blog today! An important topic and the added benefit of talking about the "rebound affect".

The Diagnosis- ADHD

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 10 years old. He was in the 4th grade. I suspected that something was wrong in 3rd grade, but he was still able to compensate for his learning disability. He also had an extraordinary teacher who was getting her masters in Special Education. She treated each child as an individual, and therefor, lead her class to a successful school year.

The proverbial you-know-what hit the fan in 4th grade. I believe it was divine intervention. The principal had mentioned to me at the end of 3rd grade that she thought my son might have ADHD. She suggested I get him tested. I knew nothing about this ADHD thing so I know nothing about what was tipping her off. He didn't appear to have any problems in school. His grades were fine. He was a normal boy.

4th grade was a disaster. His teacher was not there at the start of the year due to the death of her son. Obviously, this was an extreme situation, and I don't fault her for not being there! The substitute was a nice enough lady who did her job and things moved along until they decided to split the days/weeks. One thing an ADHD kid needs is continuity. Two teachers with two different styles and expectations was a recipe for disaster.

Not only was the teacher situation bad. The classrooms were open, meaning that there were no walls- only barriers. This meant that all the noise from the first grade rooms through the sixth grade rooms could be heard. ADHD kids don't need any distractions, and all that noise made it more difficult to focus.

The teacher situation, the open classrooms, and last but not least, private school. Private school does not believe that a round peg can go in a square hole. They want all their children to be within certain standards. Those standards include high test scores so they look good when they advertise for new students. They do not include anyone with any disability. Frankly, they don't have the resources to handle it anyway.

Matt began to forget his assignments, homework, parts of his uniform. These were all little things that earned him demerits and upset the teacher who was grieving for her dead son. Soon, the class realized the teacher was frustrated and if they blamed things on Matt, whether he did it or not, she would immediatly blame Matt.

I started talking with a friend of mine whose son was nearing graduation. He had ADHD. She had been through the ringer with him as far as meds, schools, teachers, friends...you name it. She had dealt with it all, and in the process became, as many parents do whose children suffer from various things, an expert out of necessity.

I became increasingly suspicious that my son had ADHD. I talked with another friend who worked for the local health department as a psychologist. She asked me a few questions and then gave me a copy of a questionairre they use in diagnosing ADHD. It was a quick and dirty one that would either lead to more testing or lead in another direction.

After we gave it back to her, it screamed that Matt had ADHD. Meanwhile I'm still fighting with the school, who is giving me nothing but grief, and definitely no help. It was a Christian school, which surprised and disturbed me. Where was the understanding for the child that might be different?

I took the diagnosis to the principal of the private school and she assured me, "that in all her years of teaching, she knew kids who had ADHD, and my son certainly did not." She gave me the run around.

Meanwhile, I was investigating getting Matt tested through the public school, which is done by school psychologist. It is a battery of tests that if done through a counselor or private practice office can often cost upwards of $900! These tests again screamed that my son had ADHD. They involve some surveys of teachers and testing on Matt of various kinds.

To make a long story short, I yanked my son out of private school mid-year because the principal and his teacher were being such jerks about everything. I enrolled him in public school who immediately began working with him in resource.

He had a lovely teacher named, Ms. Staley, who had a nice, calm manner, but was firm with her students. What amazed me was after paying for a supposed superior education, the private school curriculum was behind in math and grammar. Matt had some catching up to do there.

We started seeing a counselor as well regarding the ADHD. ADHD affects the entire family, and we needed to learn to manage it as a whole.

More about that later.

The important thing is: if you suspect your child has ADHD, have the school test him/her. It is free. You will either find out yes or no and can move from there. The worst thing is to suspect something isn't right and do nothing. There is so much that can be done to overcome so many things. I have friends whose children have had speech therapy as young as 3 through the public schools. There are occupational therapists to work with motor skill problems. Many school districts have amazing programs for children with autism. I know because I have seen what taking advantage of all that has done for my cousin's autistic son.

Finally, if you are dead set against educating your child in the public school system, they still have to provide the services to your child. It is up to you to get them to the services at their convenience, but they are still available and can be a lifesaver!